Let me ask you something. Have you ever been taken aback by something someone said, leaving you utterly speechless? I recently stumbled upon an old shirt in my closet—a black, long-sleeved, low-cut number I used to wear while dealing cards. This shirt brought back memories, particularly one of the last times I wore it when my so-called friend, Jake, remarked that I “dressed like a hussy.” I need to discuss why that comment left me furious.
Maybe I’m unique, but I genuinely don’t care what others wear. Please tell me I’m not alone in thinking it’s absurd to judge someone based solely on their clothing. When I dealt blackjack, my boss allowed us to wear pretty much whatever we wanted (as long as it was reasonable). This kind of flexibility isn’t standard everywhere, but my employer recognized that a woman’s attire doesn’t determine her work ethic. And I mention “woman” specifically—how often do men face judgment for their fashion choices? I’ve never seen it happen.
The Issue of Slut-Shaming
Now, back to the issue of slut-shaming. “You dress like a hussy, and this is a kid’s show.” The first time Jake saw me in that shirt, I was performing in a pit orchestra, and he came to drop off the music during my shift. When Jake laid eyes on me, his expression twisted into a disapproving frown, which I initially thought was due to meeting someone new. I never imagined someone would have an issue with my shirt.
Looking back, I realize his glance was one of disdain. The same expression reappeared during another visit with his ill-tempered boyfriend, who was there for a card tournament. On that occasion, Jake felt compelled to share his unsolicited opinion.
Despite considering Jake a friend, he chose to voice his ridiculous thoughts. Ironically, I had sought his approval for a dress I wanted to wear for the show, worrying about how my tattoos would be visible. Yet, Jake had other concerns. When I showed him a photo of the dress on my phone, he casually said, “Yeah, the dress is fine. Thank goodness. We need to get you more conservative clothes. You dress like a hussy, and this is a kid’s show.”
What?! His words were so blunt that there was no chance to interpret them as playful banter. When he saw my shocked expression, he added, “I can say that. I’m gay.”
Questioning Slut-Shaming
Why is slut-shaming still a thing? The entire premise of the women’s rights movement was to secure basic human rights, including the freedom to express ourselves as we choose. Have we missed the point? I can’t grasp how a simple top from a discount store could provoke such a reaction. There are even girls in schools who get sent to the office for “distracting clothing”—a situation that has sparked protests and movements. Young women are even facing dire consequences due to the use of harmful language.
Clothing is just clothing, and unkind opinions should remain unspoken. I never critiqued Jake’s “stylish” haircut, which he thought cleverly concealed his receding hairline, nor did I comment on his appearance. I’ve been labeled various things over the years, but it’s my choice to wear what I want, just as it is for him. I was taught to mind my business unless someone was in trouble.
Additionally, why did Jake feel the need to use the “I’m gay” card as justification for his remarks? This kind of behavior is unacceptable. Using that flawed logic, I could have told Jake to reconsider his own choices since I’m bisexual and part of the LGBTQ+ community. But that’s not how life works. Good people don’t operate that way. Whether gay or straight, there’s no excuse for unkindness.
Moving On from Negativity
Eventually, I grew tired of his so-called “concern.” I wore the dress I planned for opening night, pretending not to notice Jake’s scrutiny when the pianist complimented it. Throughout the show’s run, he kept watching me. We never addressed his earlier comments. At first, I thought, “Wow, rude,” but I let it slide because I believed he had a good heart. However, feeling pressured to conform to someone else’s standards isn’t friendship. I came to realize this during his final visit to me at work.
Jake handed me the music binder and gestured to my simple company t-shirt, which was approved by my boss. “We’re going to be touring a lot of churches, and sweetheart, you’re just never appropriate. I worried about even hiring you, but I can’t find anyone else who can play the music.” The irony was thick, as another dealer walked by, wearing the exact same shirt—one I had taken inspiration from.
This time, I stayed silent. Jake didn’t stop his comments during the tour, even after we talked about his fixation on “saving my hussy soul.” I gave him several chances to come around, but eventually, I distanced myself from him. It may not have been the most graceful exit, but negativity has a way of pushing you to your limits. His constant negativity was exhausting.
“I’m trying to help you,” he’d say, but that’s the crux of the issue. Let people be who they are—that’s basic respect. Women don’t need help to be “acceptable.” We’re fully aware of how we look and act. A woman could wear almost anything and still be fine. Why is society so invested in regulating women’s choices? Just let people be.
If you find yourself unable to be your true self around someone, it may be time to move on, even if it means losing a friend. Jake still attempts to reach out, but it’s best that we’re no longer in each other’s lives. If we ever hung out again, I’d definitely wear my “hussy shirt” just to see how he reacts.
Summary
In this reflection, Olivia Ramirez recounts an experience where a friend, Jake, harshly criticized her outfit, labeling it inappropriate. This encounter sparks a broader conversation about the persistence of slut-shaming and societal judgments regarding women’s clothing choices. Olivia argues that everyone should have the freedom to express themselves without fear of judgment, regardless of gender. Ultimately, she decides to distance herself from Jake’s negativity, recognizing the importance of surrounding oneself with supportive friends.
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