It’s been a long year, hasn’t it? We’ve all been navigating a whirlwind of uncertainty, and it’s undeniable that the pandemic has taken a toll on our collective mental health. But what worries me most are the mothers struggling with long-standing perfectionism who feel completely out of control in these chaotic times.
Perfectionism often stems from societal pressures and a primal instinct for survival. Since ancient times, humans have developed a heightened awareness of their surroundings to stay safe and belong to a group. This instinct has evolved, and today, many of us find ourselves catastrophizing—focusing on potential failures and shortcomings. Perfectionists, in particular, excel at recognizing their flaws and placing immense pressure on themselves to meet unrealistic standards, no matter the challenges.
As mothers, we’ve been conditioned to believe that if we adhere to the rules, prioritize others’ needs, and maintain a polished image, we will be safe. Yet, this has turned into a psychological burden, especially during these unprecedented times.
The rules have shifted dramatically. Our routines and ways of life are unrecognizable, and it’s impossible to adapt perfectly without the experience, knowledge, and support we once had. Many moms are now caught in a cycle of unmet desires and feelings of failure across various aspects of their lives. How can we excel at working from home with kids yelling in the background? How do we care for our mental health when we’re busy ensuring our children’s needs are met?
This struggle often leads us back to unhealthy coping mechanisms. More women are turning to alcohol and experiencing heightened anxiety and depression. I see you, mama, because I am right there with you. I found myself drinking more, worrying excessively, and experiencing unfamiliar physical pains. Here are some strategies that have helped both me and the incredible women I work with:
- Acknowledge the reality. Repeat after me: THIS IS HARD. I’m doing my best. All feelings during these times are valid and part of the human experience.
- Practice deep breathing. Take ten deep breaths—inhale for five seconds through your nose, hold it, and then exhale slowly. This calms our nervous system and signals safety to our brains.
- Embrace self-compassion. Understand that your desire to be “good enough” is a survival instinct. It’s okay to feel this way.
- Be intentional with your energy. We aren’t limitless sources of energy, so focus on what truly matters to you. Prioritize one or two areas that are important and allow yourself to let the rest slide a bit.
- Recognize your worth. Feel your emotions, accept the difficulty, and then choose to see your own enough-ness. Shifting our focus to what’s going well can rewire our brains for positivity.
As a mother and a recovering perfectionist, I understand the struggle is real. But could this challenging time also be a lesson from the universe, encouraging us to release impossible expectations? It’s a chance to reevaluate our priorities and place ourselves higher on that list. Remember, we cannot pour from an empty cup, so it’s essential to care for ourselves first.
You are important, mama. The pressures of perfection are OUT. Embracing our imperfections is IN.
If you’re interested in related topics, check out this insightful post on self-care during uncertain times and explore this fertility resource for more information. For a deeper dive into pregnancy options, Healthline offers excellent resources.
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In summary, it’s crucial for mothers to let go of the unrealistic quest for perfection, especially during these unpredictable times. Acknowledging the challenges, practicing self-compassion, and prioritizing essential aspects of life can help us navigate through this journey with greater ease.
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