Navigating the teenage years can be incredibly challenging, especially when it comes to managing your child’s behavior. My youngest son, who is in 8th grade, recently returned to school part-time after a long period of virtual learning. This shift has positively impacted him, and he seems to be emerging from his typical teenage slump.
However, when he asked to stay after school one day to help his science teacher prepare for a birthday celebration, my instincts kicked in. Last year, I discovered some marijuana joints in his room, which he claimed were given to him by a friend—the same friend he was caught throwing food with in the cafeteria. While I don’t blame his friend for these incidents, I know my son is responsible for his own choices and understands the difference between right and wrong. He even knows how to say no to me, which makes me suspicious of his intentions.
Despite a year of being sheltered from the outside world, I sensed something was off. So, I agreed to let him stay, but only after confirming with his teacher that he was indeed helping out. To my relief, his teacher verified that he would be there for an hour. My son admitted he knew I would check up on him, assuring me he wouldn’t lie.
I share this story not because I think my son is perfect—far from it—but because I’ve learned the hard way with my three teenagers how critical it is to establish clear boundaries when they break the rules. My youngest, in fact, has been the most resistant to this truth.
In the past, I’ve tried being the “cool” parent, granting second chances too liberally. Each time, it backfired. My oldest son had a friend he frequently got into trouble with for smoking marijuana, yet I continued to give him chances. My daughter often oscillated between being disrespectful and charming, leading me to reward her with treats even when she didn’t deserve them. This only fueled her negative behavior.
Setting boundaries is essential to prevent teenagers from taking advantage of their parents. They need to understand that their actions have consequences. I recognize that teens can be moody and face various pressures, but it’s crucial to strike a balance between empathy and self-respect. For instance, if they’re disrespectful, I ask them what’s bothering them while making it clear that I’m not a punching bag. If they break curfew or lie about their whereabouts, there are consequences like losing phone privileges or social time.
I learned these lessons from my own upbringing, where my mother was lenient to the point of losing our respect. Without boundaries, we felt empowered to misbehave without fear of repercussions.
Boundaries also save my time, which is valuable. For example, when I go to pick them up from their father’s house, they must be ready to avoid making me wait. One of my friends struggles with this issue with her daughter, who often keeps her waiting for long periods.
While I don’t want to turn parenting into a boot camp, I’ve realized that without consistent boundaries, my life becomes much harder. This process teaches my children how to treat others with respect. It’s challenging, but it’s ultimately worthwhile. If they grow up without boundaries, they will struggle in adulthood. I would rather they dislike me now for enforcing rules than face greater challenges later.
For more insights on navigating adolescent behavior, you can check out some of our other helpful blog posts, like this one on home insemination, or explore resources on infertility to gain a deeper understanding. Additionally, if you’re looking for ways to boost fertility, Make a Mom has excellent information on fertility boosters for men.
Summary
Establishing clear boundaries is essential in parenting teenagers. It helps them learn the consequences of their actions and prevents them from taking advantage of their parents. While it can be challenging, having rules and consequences teaches children respect and prepares them for adulthood.
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