In today’s society, homeownership has become a symbol of success, often seen as a key part of the “American Dream.” Yet, for many, this aspiration remains just that—a dream. Many individuals view buying a home as a long-term investment in their future wealth, but it requires a significant initial capital that isn’t accessible to everyone. The Netflix show “Marriage or Mortgage” puts couples in a tough position: if you could only choose one, which would you pick? For my partner and me, the answer is straightforward—marriage. We don’t have the substantial financial resources necessary for homeownership.
I would prefer to invest in a wedding rather than a house. While some may consider that foolish, the reality is that homeownership is a much bigger commitment than funding a wedding. Purchasing a home means you’re tied to that decision for years to come. In contrast, a wedding is a one-time financial obligation. Yes, it’s a significant expense, but once it’s paid, it’s done. This freedom appeals to me far more than the permanence of owning a house. Renting may be frustrating and sometimes inconvenient, but it’s always an option. Marriage and the celebration of it should not be overshadowed by the so-called more “responsible” choice of buying a home.
My partner and I got engaged during the 2020 holiday season, and of course, everyone is eager to know our wedding plans. We’ve communicated our intention to save for a wedding in the coming years, but we have other financial priorities at the moment. However, celebrating our marriage with family and friends holds immense importance for us. Watching “Marriage or Mortgage,” we felt a connection to the couple Karla and Cynthia, who are older lesbians. Like Karla, my partner has been married before, while I have not. For us, a wedding represents the fulfillment of a dream, and as individuals working in creative fields, it feels like a more viable financial choice. We can always adjust our plans to save costs, but the high costs of housing feel ever-elusive.
Currently, we are both managing considerable student loan debt. I haven’t earned enough to make significant repayments, while my partner has been tackling her debt as she can, but it remains substantial. I’ve cleared my minor credit card debt, but we’re now focusing on hers, which sits at about $11,000 and impacts her credit score. This situation complicates our chances of securing not just a mortgage but even a rental apartment. We are certainly not alone in facing these challenges.
The COVID-19 pandemic has highlighted the fragility of financial security. As a writer, I’ve been able to continue working, but my partner, who is in the entertainment sector, has faced unemployment. This has forced me to shoulder our financial responsibilities alone. The pandemic has cost many people their jobs, making it difficult to keep up with bills. You can buy a house, but what happens if you lose your job? Even if you somehow manage to maintain your mortgage payments, a financial cushion can quickly vanish. A year in, some individuals are finally returning to work, but we are also witnessing the onset of one of the most severe recessions in U.S. history. What will this mean for homeowners in the long run? This is a topic “Marriage or Mortgage” fails to tackle.
Yes, the couples managed to save money for a house, but do they have the financial stability to sustain that investment? Do they have savings set aside for unexpected home expenses? Watching couples debate the size of a bathroom or garage space is entertaining, but the harsh realities of homeownership deserve serious consideration. For instance, one couple on the show consists of two fitness professionals. If one of them suffers an injury that prevents them from working, what will they do? Their parents may assist with the down payment, but it’s unlikely they will cover monthly mortgage payments.
There are many hidden costs associated with homeownership that people often overlook. My partner and I have weighed these factors when considering whether to rent or buy. If something breaks in a house, you bear the financial responsibility for repairs. For example, if a water heater fails, you have to hire a repairman and cover the costs. On the other hand, if an issue arises in our apartment, we simply submit a maintenance request, and the repairs are taken care of at no additional expense to us. If we can’t afford a $1,000 repair, we won’t be left in the cold showering. These incidental costs and potential housing disasters are crucial considerations when discussing housing expenses.
Critics of “Marriage or Mortgage” claim that choosing between a home and a wedding during a global pandemic seems absurd. While this may hold some truth, it’s important to remember that the show was filmed before COVID-19, so the couples couldn’t have predicted a worldwide health crisis when they made their decisions. Some argue that purchasing a home during a pandemic could be wise due to lower housing costs, but it all circles back to economic uncertainty. What happens if financial hardships arise? Most of the weddings featured occurred after the pandemic began, leading couples to scale down their celebrations, thus saving money.
A “where are they now” article in Women’s Health caught up with the featured couples. Those who opted for weddings, such as Alex and Whitney, the nurse couple, and Emily and Braxton, the young trainers, experienced job changes due to COVID. Both Alex and Whitney, who worked as ER nurses, were burned out during the pandemic’s early days and ultimately quit to pursue further education. Had they chosen to buy a house, they might not have had the flexibility to make that life choice. Similarly, Emily and Braxton faced income loss due to gym closures, highlighting how personal trainers are not essential during a global health crisis.
While we recognize that our rent could cover a mortgage, various barriers make that dream unrealistic. Obtaining funds for a wedding venue isn’t dependent on credit scores, and I don’t need a loan to purchase a wedding dress. Yes, weddings are costly, and I understand why some people view them as extravagant for a single day. But even if we face income fluctuations, we remain married and free from the risk of losing a home. That reassurance is invaluable.
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Summary:
Choosing between marriage and homeownership is a complex decision influenced by financial realities and personal values. While the allure of owning a home is strong, many couples find greater significance in investing in their relationships. The experiences of couples from “Marriage or Mortgage” reveal the unpredictability of financial stability, especially in the wake of the pandemic. Ultimately, for some, celebrating love may outweigh the burdens of homeownership.
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