One of the most frustrating aspects of parenthood is the mixed messages we receive. It’s bewildering, isn’t it? On one hand, we hear, “Take care of yourself!” while simultaneously being bombarded with advice like, “You must breastfeed, don’t let your baby cry, and if you take even a moment for yourself, you’re failing as a mother.” Then there’s the advice to stop coddling our children, but if we allow them to play outside unsupervised or—heaven forbid—walk home from school like we used to, we risk a visit from child protective services.
It feels impossible to get it right. Schools add another layer of confusion, increasing the stress of modern parenting. For instance, sending a sick child to school labels you as an irresponsible parent. Even before the pandemic, if you allowed your sniffling child or one with a slight stomach ache to attend school, and that minor illness escalated, you’d likely find yourself in a precarious position. We all understand the importance of keeping germs at bay, but what about the conflicting messages surrounding attendance?
Many school districts that promote strict “stay home if you’re sick” rules also maintain rigid attendance policies. A friend of mine in Texas has to provide a doctor’s note if her children are absent for more than two consecutive days, or they risk being marked with unexcused absences. This is baffling! Kids frequently catch viruses that last several days and don’t require a trip to the doctor, just some rest and fluids. Plus, not every family can afford the financial burden of doctor visits, especially those with high deductibles or no insurance.
My kids, for example, have been fortunate enough not to suffer from ear infections or strep throat, but they often catch viruses that simply need time to run their course. After a few unnecessary trips to the doctor, where we were told to just wait it out, I learned to keep them home when they were sick. In a district with strict attendance policies, I might have been forced to take my sick kids to the doctor just to get a note for school—adding more germs into the mix and incurring an unnecessary expense.
For parents of children with chronic illnesses, rigid attendance policies can be an absolute nightmare, complicating an already challenging situation. Instead of focusing on their child’s health, they must navigate the risk of penalties from the school.
We are finally starting to recognize the critical nature of mental health—its significance is being acknowledged alongside physical health. The pandemic highlighted mental health challenges in children, showing that they, too, can suffer from anxiety, depression, and the need for breaks. Yet, the strict attendance policies and awards for perfect attendance persist.
What do these awards really represent? Are we rewarding good health, or simply luck? Are we recognizing kids who can attend school every day without interruption, or are we inadvertently penalizing those with unstable home lives or health issues?
While it’s essential for children to see their peers succeed in various competitions—be it math, spelling, or art—attendance awards do not reflect hard work or achievement. They reward circumstances beyond a child’s control and can create feelings of inadequacy in those who can’t meet these arbitrary standards.
The mentality of “show up at any cost” can persist into adulthood, leading to a work culture that glorifies overworking, where taking a day off is often frowned upon. This begins at an early age, with kids like little Kayleigh receiving accolades simply for being present, while others, like Michael, face consequences for their unavoidable absences.
It’s time to rethink the way we approach attendance. Instead of rewarding the ability to simply be present, we should promote a culture of self-care—encouraging students and employees alike to take mental health days, rest when sick, and prioritize their well-being over mere attendance.
We should celebrate schools and workplaces that advocate for mental health and understand the need for breaks. Let’s abolish attendance awards and change the messages we convey to our children. Their futures depend on it.
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Summary
School attendance awards are problematic because they reward circumstances beyond a child’s control, sending harmful messages about health and self-care. The need for a shift in how we view attendance policies is crucial for promoting mental health and well-being in children. Instead of recognizing perfect attendance, we should encourage a culture that values health and self-care.
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