Let me be candid: I never saw myself raising a child without a partner. In fact, I never really envisioned myself as a parent at all. As a child, I spent my days pretending to be a rock star or a famous author, microphone in hand, rather than playing with dolls or dreaming of motherhood. The idea of a family simply didn’t resonate with me.
Then my son came into my life—a breathtaking, unexpected gift. I am genuinely grateful that life took a different path than I had planned. The universe had a purpose in bringing my son into my world, and knowing him has made me a better person. Despite the joy he brings, I often find myself navigating this journey without a clue about what I’m doing. After all, wouldn’t parenting be simpler if babies came with a manual?
To complicate matters, I’m a solo mom, which means I don’t get weekends off or anyone to share the load with. While I’m lucky to have my mother’s support, it’s not the same as having a partner who shares the responsibilities and joys of parenting equally.
My son’s biological father lives in Dublin, and although we fell in love during my travels, when I became pregnant, he chose not to be involved. I refer to him as a co-creator, for “father” is a title reserved for those who actively participate in their child’s life.
Being a solo mom can be incredibly challenging. Beyond the practical concerns like finances and responsibilities, there’s the emotional weight of constantly being around couples who co-parent. Whether it’s attending swimming lessons or school events, I often find myself surrounded by pairs of parents proudly supporting their children together, something I can only observe from afar.
I sometimes feel like I’m witnessing a different world. I look at women with partners by their side, and it feels almost surreal. Yet, I know that my perception of those relationships may not reflect reality. They could be functioning more like roommates than soulmates.
Regardless, having someone to share in my son’s achievements and joys would be a welcome comfort. I’ve never experienced the support of having a partner, and I can only imagine how rewarding it would be to share those moments.
However, I don’t want anyone to pity me. I take pride in my independence and self-sufficiency. I’ve never needed a romantic relationship to feel valued. I am strong enough to stand on my own, emotionally and financially.
That said, I recognize that love is a beautiful thing when it’s genuine. Not everyone finds their perfect match, and for me, my “person” is my son. No other role has made me feel as cherished as being his mom, a title that will always belong to me.
Recently, my son overheard someone remark, “I don’t know how you do it alone.” That night, he asked, “Mom, aren’t you glad you’re a solo mom?” When I asked him to elaborate, he shared that if we were like other families with a dad, we might not have as much time together. His insight was profound; he enjoys our unique bond.
Being a solo mom has its perks. I make all the decisions for us, and I’m present for every moment. I never miss out on holidays or weekends, and my son comes to me when he needs comfort or advice. There’s a special beauty in our dynamic as a duo, a united team.
In the words of a meme I recently came across, “Any woman can be a mother, but it takes a badass woman to be a father, too.”
For more insights into solo parenting, check out this blog post. You can also find excellent resources on home insemination at Make a Mom and Resolve if you’re considering your own journey into motherhood.
Summary
This article explores the unexpected journey of becoming a solo mom, highlighting the challenges and joys of single parenthood. The author reflects on her experiences, emphasizing the strong bond she shares with her son while acknowledging the complexities of navigating life as a solo parent.
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