About two years before I welcomed my daughter, Lily, I made the decision to leave my public relations career in Washington D.C. and return to my hometown of St. Louis with my partner, Jake. While he pursued his law degree in the evenings, I embarked on a journey to earn a Master’s Degree in counseling, aiming to support children and families navigating divorce. Having gone through my parents’ separation at twelve, I understood the emotional turmoil that could arise from such changes.
In my first graduate course, we were encouraged to engage in therapy ourselves to ensure we were ready to help others. My instructor emphasized, “Every effective therapist needs their own therapist.” This prompted me to work with a licensed therapist, even though I had previously attended sessions years before. I arrived at my first appointment thinking it would be a brief six-month journey to resolve my issues. Fast forward ten years, and I still see her regularly.
Reflecting on that time, it feels almost fateful that I had a therapist at my side while pregnant with Lily, especially as we faced a series of challenging diagnoses. Just when we thought the situation couldn’t worsen, we received more distressing news. The healing I aimed for quickly shifted to managing the uncertainties surrounding Lily and the stress of caregiving. Our therapy sessions became centered on Lily and my grief.
When Lily was only a few days old, I reached out to my therapist, needing to talk urgently. She wasn’t expecting to hear from me so soon, but I was overwhelmed. Lily hadn’t passed her newborn hearing screening, and I felt an immense wave of anxiety. I was hesitant to share this with our family and friends, fearing their reactions might intensify my worry.
Sitting in a dimly lit basement, I awaited my therapist’s call while Lily slept in her bouncer upstairs. When she called, I was initially guarded but soon found myself bursting into tears as I revealed my fears. My therapist listened patiently, creating a space where I could express my emotions without the pressure to find immediate solutions.
What I truly craved was reassurance that everything would be okay, but what I received was far more valuable. I began to jot down affirmations during our conversations, such as:
- I dislike waiting; this is tough for me.
- I can manage this uncertainty, but I wish I had clarity.
- I’ll handle it, even if it’s difficult.
These statements became mantras that I repeated to myself. I shifted my focus to solvable problems, like consulting with a lactation expert to ease breastfeeding challenges. We made practical choices, such as letting Lily sleep through the night, which turned out to be beneficial given the challenges we faced ahead.
I share this experience because I am grateful for the support of my therapist during those early days with Lily. The combination of postpartum hormones and the weight of my worries felt isolating, especially in the quiet moments of the night. My therapist provided a unique understanding, allowing me to grieve without attempting to fix my pain too quickly.
Through this journey, I learned that Jake and I process grief differently, which does not diminish our care for each other. I found it essential to seek additional support beyond him. For the first time, I confronted hardship openly rather than suppressing it, and having my therapist by my side made that process less daunting.
As I discovered, a significant number of caregivers dealing with rare diseases report high levels of stress and often sacrifice their well-being. This realization led Jake and me to create the Lily Thompson Memorial Foundation after her passing, aiming to provide resources we wished we had during our journey. Our goal was to make essential services accessible to parents facing similar uncertainties.
When I learned of an organization offering mental health services at a local children’s hospital, I advocated for the establishment of a similar role for parents of children in the neurology department. This resulted in the hiring of a dedicated professional, who has since positively impacted many families.
Now, as I continue my therapy sessions, I am revisiting some issues I initially sought help for ten years ago. Thankfully, I now possess a variety of healthy coping strategies. The experience of parenting a child like Lily and ultimately losing her has transformed me, leading to new challenges, including managing anxiety, especially with my other children.
In conclusion, my journey through motherhood has been profoundly shaped by my therapist’s support, helping me face fears and uncertainties head-on. If you’re navigating similar pathways, there are valuable resources available, including this guide on pregnancy and insights from Make A Mom. For additional stories, you can explore this blog post that resonates with similar experiences.
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