During my divorce, one message that came my way repeatedly was, “You’ve got this!” Honestly, hearing that was incredibly frustrating—especially during moments when I felt like I was barely holding it together. It’s easy for those not in the thick of it to offer encouragement when they haven’t experienced the same struggles.
You know the mantra: Put-On-a-Smile-And-Power-Through. Snap that perfect pic and share how amazing life is! Stay strong for the kids. Go find a new partner! While we all recognize we’re capable of overcoming tough times, the reality is that enduring those moments can be agonizing. Yes, time can heal wounds, but waiting for that time to arrive so the pain lessens? That’s the real challenge.
We live in a culture that pushes us to “walk it off,” where self-help books encourage us to get up, wash our faces, and just feel better. This pressure often leads us to shove our sadness and anxiety deep down, ignoring the very feelings that cry out for acknowledgment. We lie to ourselves, convincing ourselves that we have it all under control. A new outfit, a fresh mindset—those “hot girl” vibes are supposed to sweep away the dark clouds.
I fell for that trap for a while, thinking if I acted like everything was fine, my emotions would just wash away. But that’s not how it works.
There are days I drive around with tear-soaked cheeks, listening to heart-wrenching music. There are nights I crawl into bed at 7 PM simply because I can’t muster the energy to face the world. Texts go unanswered, my legs remain unshaved, laundry piles up, and I find myself gazing out the window instead of tackling my to-do list.
I refuse to spend my life suppressing my emotions. When we feel empowered and confident, we naturally express that energy: we pamper ourselves, hit the gym, dance to our favorite songs, or declutter our space. But when sadness takes over, why do we think we should force ourselves to be that energetic person who is ready to tackle anything?
Embracing my moments of sadness has transformed my life. Why? Because when I allow myself to feel anxious, frustrated, or worn out—feelings often deemed unacceptable—I bounce back much quicker than when I try to ignore them. My energy returns sooner, my sleep improves, and I find forgiveness for myself and others comes much easier.
Just the other day, I found myself crying on the way to the grocery store. Upon arriving, I didn’t have the strength to step out of the car. There was no specific reason for my mood; I just felt low. Instead of forcing myself to go inside, I treated myself to a soda from my favorite fast-food joint and called my best friend. We chatted for over an hour, and once I hung up, I finally felt ready to grab my groceries.
In the past, I would have pushed myself to shop, ignoring my feelings, which only made me irritable. That frustration would have eventually spilled over onto my kids. By taking a moment to acknowledge my feelings instead of pretending everything was fine, I avoided a meltdown.
I’m not suggesting we should always indulge in our feelings when we’re unmotivated. Sometimes a little self-care, like getting fresh air or putting on some mascara, can lift our spirits. But we know when those tactics won’t work and will only drain us more.
Let’s normalize that embracing sad girl moments is just as important as our hot girl days. Everyone experiences low moments, whether they admit it or not. From someone who used to push through the pain: I’m far happier now that I allow myself to feel instead of putting on a brave face.
If you’re interested in exploring more about this topic, check out this other blog post. Also, for those on a fertility journey, Make a Mom provides excellent resources. And for anyone interested in IVF, this resource is invaluable.
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