For nearly two years, I’ve been sidestepping family gatherings, anxious about the potential comments directed at my children. Initially, I distanced myself due to their criticism of our two-mom family, but as my teenager matured into young adulthood, the remarks shifted to “He needs a man in the house,” and then even to my three-year-old’s weight. To protect my children, I believed it was best to keep our distance.
The pandemic provided a convenient excuse to further distance ourselves and halted my ongoing efforts to set boundaries with my family, especially regarding discussions about weight. I grew up in a family that often made me hyper-aware of my body and eating habits, and I now feel the need to shield my kids from similar experiences. As their parent, it’s my responsibility to safeguard their mental and emotional well-being concerning their bodies and self-worth.
Establishing Boundaries
Establishing boundaries with family can be daunting, but once they are set, they are easier to maintain. The words of our family can significantly impact both us as parents and our children. My daughter, who has a twin sister with a different body type, already questions her own appearance at just five years old, asking, “My belly is big, isn’t it?” or “Will you still love me if I can’t fit that?” These inquiries break my heart. We reassure her that her value lies in how she treats others and that she is beautiful just the way she is.
It’s not just about my daughter; my son, who is tall and thin and struggles with sensory issues related to eating, faces a different set of comments. He hears remarks like, “You never eat,” or “You need to gain some weight.” In the past, I pushed him to eat more, fearful of potential nutrient deficits, but I’ve learned to let him eat what feels right for him.
The Impact of Family Remarks
Every child deserves to feel loved in every family interaction. While my family expresses concern about my children’s eating habits, it’s essential to recognize that shaming can lead to long-term issues like anxiety and eating disorders. As Dr. Kahan noted, obesity is often stigmatized, and unfortunately, those who should offer unconditional love can sometimes perpetuate this stigma.
We cannot predict our children’s future health, but we understand the damaging effects of shaming. Research indicates that teasing children often backfires, causing more harm than motivation. Our goal as parents should be to uplift and empower our children rather than belittle them.
Addressing Family Comments
When family members make comments about my children’s weight, I remind them that it’s not appropriate to discuss it. Ultimately, my children are my responsibility, not their aunts, uncles, or cousins. Even medical professionals, like those at the American Journal of Pediatrics, emphasize the importance of a non-judgmental approach towards children’s health.
Instead of shaming, we should provide support. My daughter’s pediatrician offered encouraging words, highlighting the importance of healthy eating while fostering body positivity. Such affirmations from adults matter significantly to kids, just as family remarks do.
My Duty as a Parent
As her mother, it’s my duty to protect my daughter, establish boundaries with my family, and avoid conversations about her weight. While I believe my family means well, their comments can be damaging. They can shower her with love and affirmations that emphasize her worth beyond her physical appearance. I owe it to her to provide the kind of protection that I never received.
For further insights into family dynamics and parenting, you might enjoy reading this blog post.
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