I Cherish My Mother, Yet I'm Afraid of Becoming Her - intracervicalinseminationsyringe

Let me be honest: I adore my mother. But I also fear turning into her.

It may seem harsh or even ungrateful to feel this way about someone who has been an extraordinary parent. She divorced my father when my brother and I were quite young, and he disappeared from our lives. My mother raised us single-handedly, juggling multiple jobs to ensure we never went hungry. She set rules and offered forgiveness, always encouraging us to strive for excellence.

However, to provide us with that life, she sacrificed her own. She seldom went out, didn’t pursue her passions, and largely defined herself as “single mom.” In giving her all to us, she neglected to build a foundation for her own future, a future that now includes adult children leading their own lives.

Now that my brother and I are parents ourselves, she delights in her grandchildren’s visits, which we try to organize frequently. In her downtime, she engages in quiet activities but lacks meaningful friendships or hobbies. It seems like she has accepted a solitary life, waiting for the next family visit, and from an outsider’s perspective, that looks incredibly lonely.

This perspective gives me a glimpse into a future I dread. Recently, I separated from my children’s father, who is now absent from our lives. I’m left to raise my two daughters alone, meeting all their needs—financial and emotional. It’s strikingly similar to my mother’s life at my current age.

I understand the immense dedication required to nurture two children into good people. I will give everything, just as my mother did for us. My daughters deserve no less. Yet, I look at my mother’s current situation and realize I don’t want that future. I’m terrified of repeating her story—of giving so much that I end up with nothing left. Even though she appears content in her choices, I know I wouldn’t be.

I must build a life for myself beyond motherhood—one that includes friendships and personal interests for the time after my children have grown. I need to allocate time and energy to my own goals, something my mother never claimed during our childhood.

So how do I find the balance? I could pour myself into caregiving and wait for my own turn in a decade, but patience has never been my strong suit.

In the end, the solution may lie in abandoning the search for balance. I can embrace the reality that preserving some of “me” means not sacrificing everything. Motherhood shouldn’t be about losing yourself entirely. You don’t have to give it all to be a good mom—whether single or not—who nurtures, forgives, and encourages her children.

Moreover, I should step back from my fears of becoming my mother and allow her the grace to enjoy her life. She seems happy and fills her days with what brings her joy. Perhaps, rather than falling into her life by accident, she made choices that suited her while supporting us.

If that’s the case, there’s much I can learn from her experience.

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Summary:

The author reflects on her love for her mother while expressing fear of becoming like her. She acknowledges her mother’s sacrifices as a single parent, yet recognizes the need to build her own foundation for the future, including personal interests and friendships. By seeking balance, she hopes to embrace motherhood without losing herself, while also appreciating her mother’s happiness.