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This past summer, my eldest child had a serious accident. Just nine days shy of being able to have friends in the car with him—thanks to our local laws—he ended up flipping his vehicle.
He told me he was going out for a sub at a nearby sandwich shop, and I believed him. After being cooped up for months due to COVID-19, I thought it would be harmless to let him grab a snack on a Wednesday evening.
However, that wasn’t the reality. About 20 minutes later, I received a call from him saying he had flipped his car at the Park and Ride just a mile away. Thankfully, he assured me he was fine, knowing how anxious I can be about his safety. When I arrived, I found him surrounded by three friends. Instead of going for a bite to eat, he had met up with them and was driving recklessly to show off.
A police officer arrived just as I did, having received a 911 call from a witness. My son was honest about the situation, admitting his friends were in the car with him. There could have been far worse outcomes, and I felt a wave of relief that no one was injured. Nonetheless, he faced serious consequences: the state revoked his license for allowing his friends to ride with him, and I extended that punishment by taking away his car entirely.
I received a text from a neighbor inquiring about my son’s whereabouts since they hadn’t seen him driving. When family and friends asked how things were going, I kept this incident—and the countless “what if” scenarios it conjured—under wraps. “Everything’s great,” I would respond, masking the turmoil beneath a facade of normalcy.
To outsiders, my son’s actions might paint him as a troubled teen, and for those without children, it may seem like a reflection of poor character. This theme became all too familiar when he faced suspension for smoking pot, my youngest decided to smear Nutella on a school locker, and my daughter struggled with self-harm. Each time, I chose silence.
Parenting teens can be an isolating experience for two primary reasons. First, they start pulling away from you. Your suggestions become laughable in their eyes, and you feel like you’ve transitioned from being their entire world to someone they wish to avoid as they enter puberty.
Second, when they begin to engage in risky behaviors—like speeding, breaking rules, sneaking around, and experimenting with substances—it’s not something you can casually share in a Facebook mom group. Their struggles are theirs to share, and it feels wrong to vent when their experiences are so deeply personal.
The teenage years are laden with profound challenges and secrets that require you to maintain their trust. You often find yourself donning a brave face, particularly when they confide in you about their issues. If you react negatively, it may deter them from coming to you in the future.
Moreover, you wrestle with the fear of judgment from others regarding your child’s choices. No matter how much you tell yourself that external opinions shouldn’t shape your parenting, the reality is that when someone critiques your child’s aspirations, style, or mistakes, it stings and influences them deeply.
There are moments when I look at my three kids and wish for a connection that feels increasingly out of reach. I long for open conversations about their lives, thoughts, and fears, but they often resist. The bond we once shared during their younger years, when they clung to me for comfort and companionship, seems to have faded away.
What remains is a mother acutely aware of the critical nature of these teenage years, feeling overwhelmed by the responsibility of guiding them toward becoming the best adults they can be—all while keeping their private matters confidential and facing the weight of my worries in solitude.
Many days, my home is filled with the noise of my children, yet I feel profoundly alone. I’ve heard that this phase eventually gets better, and I cling to that hope with all my strength.
For further insights and support on this journey, consider checking out this blog post and resources like Kindbody’s blog for helpful information on pregnancy and home insemination. And if you are navigating your own parenting challenges, Make a Mom offers valuable guidance on this topic.
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In summary, parenting teens can be a lonely and challenging journey filled with unexpected trials and the need for discretion. As they navigate their own paths, parents often grapple with feelings of isolation, worry, and the desire to maintain trust and connection. Yet, there is hope that this phase will evolve into a more rewarding experience.
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