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If you inhabit a body that enjoys the benefits of thin privilege, your plus-size friends may not be the best audience for your discussions about dieting. Let’s clarify this: thin privilege doesn’t imply that you don’t struggle with body image issues or that you fit every definition of “thin.” It simply means that your body falls within society’s acceptable range, allowing you to navigate the world without the constant barriers that come with being plus-size. While you may face challenges, the size of your body isn’t typically one of them.
If this resonates with you, it’s time to reflect on who you’re sharing your weight loss journey with. From my own experiences, when individuals in plus-size bodies seek basic respect from those who are thinner, it often stirs up strong emotions. I anticipate that some may push back against this notion.
That doesn’t invalidate my perspective. Before you delve into an elaborate account of the 14 pounds you shed through restrictive diets and intense workouts, take a moment to consider whether your audience is genuinely interested—especially if they are plus-size.
The emotions tied to living in a larger body are incredibly complex. If you’re attempting to lose weight but have never truly experienced life as a plus-size person facing societal biases, it’s unlikely you can fully grasp the weight of those feelings.
I’m not trying to impose arbitrary rules or silence you; rather, I want to highlight some considerations that might not have crossed your mind.
Diet Culture is Toxic
First and foremost, diet culture is toxic. Many people find themselves dieting because society has conditioned them to feel inadequate if their bodies don’t conform to a very thin ideal. Even if you don’t identify as fat, every pound gained can trigger feelings of failure. This dynamic is intentional; a multi-billion-dollar diet industry thrives on it, investing heavily in keeping us feeling bad about ourselves.
For those of us in larger bodies, the societal pressure can be crushing. To prioritize our mental health, many of us have sought to step outside the relentless thin-centric narratives we encounter daily, learning to view our bodies—and ourselves—as beautiful, healthy, and deserving of care, regardless of our desire to change them.
When you’ve decided to move away from intentional weight loss and focus on health and happiness without fixating on the scale, diet conversations can feel tedious. Listening to your weight loss journey can make plus-size individuals acutely aware of how you perceive our bodies.
Bringing up your disdain for fatness, even when discussing your own, is akin to expressing grievances about a business trip to someone mourning at a funeral. You can share your feelings, but it’s crucial to be mindful of the context. I’m likely not the person you want to engage in such discussions.
From my lived experience, I know that society often views me as lazy, unattractive, and unhealthy based solely on my size, with no regard for my other qualities. This bias has been ingrained in me from birth, teaching me that fatness is undesirable. Thinness is exalted, while fatness is consistently seen as less acceptable.
In the company of loved ones, I can sometimes escape the discomfort associated with these societal judgments; I can simply be myself rather than “the fat girl.” My friends provide a sanctuary from the relentless negativity surrounding my body.
When you discuss diets, I interpret it as: “I value you, but I will do everything possible to avoid resembling you.” (Thanks to activist Emma Lee for that sentiment.) Even if that’s not your intention, your words can still evoke discomfort. As adults, we should acknowledge that the impact of our actions often carries more weight than our intentions.
The Impact on Mental Health
Moreover, your diet discussions can be harmful to those with eating disorders. Many plus-size individuals have battled disordered eating at some point, and hearing about your diet can trigger a return to those harmful patterns. Disordered eating can affect anyone, regardless of body size. I don’t know a single plus-size person who hasn’t felt a sense of accomplishment going to bed hungry, wrongly convinced that hunger equates to worth.
A casual coffee date or a birthday party is often not the right setting for me to confront those deep-rooted issues.
Choosing not to discuss your weight loss plans with your plus-size friends won’t harm you, but bringing them up uninvited could be detrimental to them. Always ask if someone is open to discussing your diet before diving in. Some may be perfectly fine with it, and that’s great. If someone expresses interest, feel free to share your journey. It’s not that you shouldn’t take pride in your efforts to change your body if that’s what you desire.
However, be aware that plus-size individuals might feel uncomfortable discussing your dieting efforts, especially if their body size differs significantly from yours. If you’re empathetic and kind, respecting that boundary is essential.
Further Reading
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Search Queries
- What is thin privilege?
- How to support plus-size friends
- Understanding diet culture
- Healthy body image
- Disordered eating in plus-size individuals
In summary, when discussing dieting, especially in the presence of plus-size friends, it’s essential to recognize the potential impact of your words and to approach conversations with sensitivity and respect for their experiences and boundaries.
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