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Have you ever been so taken aback by someone’s words that you were left speechless? I recently stumbled upon an old black, long-sleeved shirt in my closet—a top I used to wear while dealing cards. It brought back memories, particularly of the last time I wore it when my “friend” Jake told me I “dressed like I was asking for attention.” I want to discuss why that comment upset me so much.
Am I alone in thinking it’s absurd to judge someone based on their clothing? Personally, I don’t care what others wear. It’s wild to criticize someone for their outfit choices. When I worked in the nightlife scene, my boss allowed us to wear whatever we felt comfortable in, as long as it was appropriate. While it’s true different environments call for different attire, my employer recognized that a woman’s clothing doesn’t determine her professionalism. It’s interesting to note that men rarely face the same scrutiny over their wardrobe choices.
Back to the incident with Jake. “You dress like you want attention, and this is a family event,” he said one evening while I was playing the flute for a pit orchestra. He had come to drop off music during my shift at the bar, and upon seeing my shirt—a simple black tee with the top button undone—he grimaced before approaching me.
At that moment, I assumed his reaction was due to nerves, but looking back, I realize it was disgust. The same look returned the next time he visited, this time accompanied by his overly critical boyfriend who’d signed up for a card tournament. Jake had been my friend, but his words were ridiculous.
What’s even more ironic is that I had asked Jake for his opinion on a dress I was considering for the show. I was worried about showing my tattoos, but he had other concerns. When I showed him the dress on my phone, he casually sipped his beer and said, “Yeah, the dress is fine. But we need to get you more modest clothes. You dress like you want attention, and this is a family event.”
What? His words were so blunt there was no mistaking them for a joke. When I reacted, he added, “I can say that. I’m gay.”
It’s disheartening that slut-shaming still exists. The entire movement for women’s rights aimed to secure basic freedoms, including the right to express ourselves through our clothing choices. What’s so offensive about a top I bought from a discount store? Young women are even facing severe consequences at school for their outfit choices. It’s reached a point where students are staging walkouts, protesting this ridiculousness.
Clothes are just clothes—unkind opinions should remain unspoken. I never commented on Jake’s questionable haircut or any other aspect of his appearance. I’ve been labeled in various ways over the years, but it’s my choice what to wear, just as it is his. I was raised to mind my own business unless someone is in trouble.
Additionally, why did Jake feel the need to use the “I’m gay” card to justify his comments? This behavior isn’t acceptable. If I wanted to play that game, I could have easily told him he should probably reconsider his lifestyle choices. But that’s not how life works. Good people, regardless of their sexuality, don’t act in such a hurtful way.
Eventually, I distanced myself from Jake. I didn’t think it was worth it to keep a friendship that made me feel like I had to conform to someone else’s standards. He still tries to reach out, but it’s clear we’re better off apart. If we ever hung out again, you can bet I’d wear my “attention-seeking” shirt just to see his reaction.
For more reflections on personal experiences, check out this blog post on home insemination. Also, for information on fertility, visit Make a Mom, a great resource for anyone looking to understand their reproductive health better. Additionally, UCSF’s Center offers excellent resources for pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary
In a world where women’s clothing is often unfairly scrutinized, this piece highlights the enduring issue of slut-shaming. The author recounts a personal experience with a friend who criticized her outfit choice and reflects on the broader implications of such judgments. It emphasizes the importance of self-expression and the need to respect individuals’ choices without imposing outdated standards.
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