Moms Constantly Seek Perfection, and It’s Time to Change That

Well, here we are—a year like no other, filled with upheaval and anxiety about the future. It’s evident that the pandemic has taken a toll on our collective mental well-being, but my greatest concern is for the mothers who have been battling long-standing perfectionism and have felt increasingly out of control during this past year.

Perfectionism often stems from societal expectations and the instinct to survive. Since the dawn of humanity, our brains have been wired to keep us safe, whether from predators or social ostracism. Over the years, this instinct has evolved into a heightened awareness of ourselves and the potential dangers around us. Many of us fall into the pattern of catastrophizing, a tendency to focus on the worst possible outcomes.

Perfectionists excel at identifying their shortcomings and feeling the weight of high expectations. As women, particularly mothers, we’ve been conditioned to believe that if we adhere to the rules, prioritize others’ needs over our own, and maintain a polished appearance, we will be safe and accepted. This mindset has become psychological torture, especially during these unpredictable times.

Why is that?

Because the rules have shifted. Our routines and what we once considered “normal” are gone. Adjusting to a new normal feels impossible without the experience, knowledge, and vital support we need. Many mothers are caught in a cycle of neglecting their own needs while feeling like constant failures. How can we excel at remote work when our children are screaming in the background? How do we care for our mental well-being when our usual outlets for emotional release have vanished, forcing us to focus solely on our children’s needs?

With a sense of control slipping away, we often revert to unhealthy coping mechanisms. This is reflected in rising alcohol consumption and increased rates of anxiety and depression among women. I see you, mama, because I am you. I, too, have found myself drinking more, worrying more, and experiencing physical symptoms of anxiety.

Here are some strategies that have helped me and countless women I work with:

Acknowledge the Difficulty: Say it with me: THIS IS TOUGH. I’m doing my best, and all my feelings are valid during these challenging times.
Practice Deep Breathing: Take ten deep belly breaths—in through the nose, pausing, and slowly out through the nose. This calms the nervous system and signals safety to the brain.
Embrace Self-Compassion: It’s okay to want to be good enough. Remember, you’re just trying to survive amidst chaos.
Be Mindful of Your Energy: We aren’t infinite sources of energy. Focus on a few core values or priorities and allow yourself to be average in other areas. Your “average” may still surpass others’ expectations.
Cultivate a Sense of Enoughness: Feel your feelings; it’s okay to acknowledge the hard times. Then, shift your focus toward what is going well and recognize your achievements. Rewiring our brains to see the positive takes continuous effort.

As a mother and recovering perfectionist, I understand the struggle is very real right now. Yet, could this moment be a call from the universe to shed the unrealistic expectations that bind us? It’s a chance to reassess our priorities and place ourselves higher on that list. We know we can’t pour from an empty cup; thus, we must remember to care for ourselves first.

You matter, mama. The pressures of perfection are OUT. Embracing imperfection is IN.

For more insights on parenting and self-care, check out this article from our other blog. If you’re interested in pregnancy resources, this site is a great authority on the topic. For further information on reproductive health, this resource is highly recommended.

Potential Search Queries:

In summary, as mothers, we often find ourselves trapped in a pursuit of perfection that can lead to feelings of inadequacy, especially during trying times. By acknowledging the challenges, practicing self-compassion, and redirecting our focus, we can embrace our imperfections and prioritize our well-being.