I’m Not Ready for an Empty Nest

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As a child, I often heard a silly joke among adults about how they’d break their kids’ plates on the table and kick them out when they turned 18. My parents and their friends would guffaw at this line during dinner parties, laughing as if it were fresh material, despite having repeated it throughout my upbringing. While they found it amusing, I never understood the humor, especially as I glanced at my siblings, who seemed unfazed by the idea of being sent packing.

Of course, it was all in jest, and my parents never actually kicked us out when we turned 18. In fact, I was the only one of my four siblings to leave home voluntarily after high school and never return.

When I welcomed my first child, the thought of him leaving one day felt entirely different. I knew I wouldn’t let him feel like I was counting down the days until he moved out. As I gazed at him in his clear bassinet next to my hospital bed, I couldn’t help but think about that inevitable day. Having longed for him so deeply, I found myself gripped by the fear of losing him, dreading the moment he would spread his wings.

For years, I’ve told myself that I have plenty of time with my kids. I’ve tried to ignore the looming reality of an empty nest. Yet here I am, on the verge of my firstborn moving out, and honestly, I’m not okay.

Sure, I don’t love his messy room or the ice cream container he left on the counter for me to discover in the morning. I’m not thrilled about the old tires and rims cluttering my yard, which he insists he’ll sell on Facebook (it’s been a month, kid—now Mama is going to sell them and keep the money).

There have been days when juggling three teenagers feels overwhelming; the demands never seem to end—from schoolwork to mental health to their clutter. However, that doesn’t mean I’m eager for them to leave. The thought of waking up without them on weekends or hoping they’ll return home for the holidays is unsettling.

Recently, I stumbled upon a social media post featuring two empty nesters celebrating their newfound solitude. Such posts trigger a wave of emotions in me. It’s not that I think these parents are wrong for celebrating their achievements in raising their kids, but I find myself dreading this upcoming chapter in my life more than I can articulate.

I can’t shake the sadness and apprehension I feel while others appear to be eagerly anticipating their children moving out. I’m not in a celebratory mood at all. My son is graduating in June, and I keep reminding myself to set aside my sorrow about this significant transition because, ultimately, it’s about him—about raising a capable adult ready to thrive on his own.

When my kids do leave, I will miss them terribly. I wanted all three of them, and time has flown by too quickly. For nearly 18 years, my life has revolved around my children. Who will I be when they’re gone?

Motherhood offers no real preparation for the challenges we face, especially during the teenage years. So how do we cope with the sudden shift from a lively home to one filled with silence?

I’m not looking forward to my empty nest. The thought of celebrating my kids’ independence does little to brighten my mood. The prospect of less laundry and fewer dishes doesn’t ease my heartache over closing the door to their messy rooms.

So this is for all the parents who share my reluctance about the empty nest years. You’re not alone in your tears.

If you’re navigating the complexities of starting a family, you may find helpful insights in this blog post or check out Make a Mom for expert guidance. For more invaluable information, visit Kindbody as an excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination.

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In summary, the transition to an empty nest can be a difficult and emotional journey for many parents. While the idea of celebrating independence may resonate with some, others feel a deep sense of loss. It’s essential to acknowledge these feelings and know that you’re not alone.


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