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Let’s get real—I swear. A lot. “Fuck” is one of my go-to words. It can express joy, anger, or sadness; in my book, it’s almost always fitting. “Shit”? Love it. “Goddamn”? A personal favorite. “Asshole”? Well, that’s a term I use with affection. I’m an adult; I can say what I want, and frankly, I don’t care what others think.
Most mornings start off simply: “Oh, crap! We need to hurry or we’ll be late!” I might add in a quick, “Don’t forget that darn water bottle!” I try to keep the f-bombs to a minimum to give the kids a decent start to their day. But once they’re out of the car, my true self emerges, and let’s just say she’s got a colorful vocabulary.
Driving and Colorful Language
As for driving, I’m a pro—I know all the rules. But not everyone on the road seems to share my skills, and I feel compelled to let them know. I avoid hand gestures to prevent escalating any road rage; instead, I vent my frustration aloud. It’s absurd how many people decide to drive during a rainstorm. And don’t get me started on the “sunshine slowdown”—those people should just give up their keys. And if you honk at me at a stoplight? Seriously, chill out; it just turned green!
While I don’t always resort to the f-word, there are plenty of other gems in my vocabulary. “Shit” is incredibly versatile. Whether I’m saying, “I don’t get this shit,” or “Clean up your shit now,” it gets the message across. My favorite has to be, “Holy shit!” It captures so much—surprise, disappointment, you name it. It even pairs well with the Holy Trinity of my Catholic upbringing, much to my mother’s delight.
The Charm of “Asshole”
And can we talk about the word “asshole”? It’s just too good not to use. You can be an asshole, act like one, or just spot one from a distance. My husband is quite familiar with the term; at one point, I think he thought it was his name!
Speaking of my husband, he’s no stranger to colorful language either. If I counted the number of “Motherfuckers!” he yells at his computer, he’d win hands down. When technology frustrates me, I tend to lean towards “son-of-a-bitch.” For instance, “This son-of-a-bitch WiFi never works in this goddamn house!” It just rolls off the tongue, doesn’t it?
Setting Boundaries
There is one word I avoid, though. It starts with a “c” and ends with three more letters. That term gives me the creeps. Even if someone is the worst person imaginable, I won’t stoop to using that word. In our home, where swearing is commonplace, we have some boundaries.
You might think I need a swear jar to keep my language in check around the kids. Do they take debit? Because I rarely carry cash! My kids know this is how I talk, and they understand that my colorful language is for grown-ups. They have to earn the right to express themselves that way; only the most seasoned swearers can call someone a “stupid motherfucking asshole.” If they tried, I’d be mortified—it would ruin my perfect parenting image!
A Balance of Sweetness and Spice
Some days, I’m not that bad. I might tell my husband he’s acting like an ass without calling him one directly. I promise I can share sweet words too: “I love your new haircut,” or “Your daughter is adorable.” I’m a nice person; I just like to sprinkle in a little spice with a curse here and there. Is that so wrong?
I’m not one to sit quietly and play the demure role. If you want a calm conversation, keep walking. If you’re ready for some fun exchanges, grab a seat. It’s so nice to meet you!
Further Reading
For more insights about navigating parenthood, check out this other blog post. And if you’re looking to boost your fertility, visit Make A Mom, which offers great advice on that topic. Also, for further reading on pregnancy and home insemination, Facts About Fertility has excellent resources.
Summary
In this candid reflection, the author embraces their unapologetic use of swearing in front of their kids. They highlight the versatility of various curse words while acknowledging the importance of setting boundaries for their children. The piece captures the humor and reality of parenting, showcasing how swearing can be a part of everyday life without compromising the values they aim to instill in their children.
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