PSA: Women Are Fed Up with ‘Parenting’ Their Partners

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I distinctly recall a Saturday morning when I was rushing to get to my son’s basketball game, feeling an overwhelming urge to scream. I had asked my (then) partner to vacuum while I went for a quick run. When I returned, not only had he not vacuumed, but the kids were still lounging in their pajamas, glued to the TV.

That left me with barely an hour to get myself and three kids ready, all while maneuvering around the dog hair that had accumulated in our home. Weekends were supposed to be a chance for me to step out for some fresh air while he was around to help with the kids. Instead, I found myself managing everything alone—getting the kids ready for school every day, working, and tackling household chores while he focused on the family business.

I longed for him to understand what it was like to walk in my shoes, even for just an hour, but it rarely happened. I felt that asking for help should have been unnecessary; it was something he should have instinctively known to do. Often, I found myself opting to just do things myself rather than expend energy convincing him to help out.

It was disheartening to witness him shrugging off responsibilities because he deemed them “too difficult” or thought the kids were content watching TV. This made me feel undervalued and like he was indifferent to my daily struggles.

Many men tend to play clueless or dismissive when confronted about these issues, but I refuse to accept that. This is sheer laziness.

Women are undeniably tired of having to repeatedly explain what needs to be done or how their partners can pitch in. Seriously, we all share the same space. I was reminded of this one afternoon while preparing dinner and juggling three toddlers when an Oprah episode caught my ear. A psychologist spoke to a couple about their struggles. The husband couldn’t fathom why his wife was upset about him not replacing the paper towel roll after using the last one. “It’s not about the paper towels,” the psychologist explained. “It’s about the fact that you’ve ignored her request time and again.”

That moment crystallized my frustration. It wasn’t just about the chores; it was about feeling disregarded. As divorce coach Matthew Fray pointed out, seemingly small issues like leaving a glass by the sink symbolize deeper problems. Most men don’t recognize that such actions—or lack thereof—cause emotional pain by implying a lack of respect for their partner.

When my ex-partner neglected simple tasks, it felt like a dismissal of my worth and needs. It made me feel more like a parent than an equal partner, which ultimately affected our relationship dynamics, including intimacy.

The reality is, we don’t want to take on the role of a parent to our partners. We want to feel like equals. I would make sacrifices for my ex, such as indulging in his hobbies, but it became exhausting when those gestures weren’t reciprocated.

Micromanaging a spouse is not a sustainable solution. If you’re in a relationship and find yourself saying, “Just let me know what to do,” it might be time to reassess the balance of responsibility in your partnership. It’s not asking too much to expect your partner to contribute equally to household duties and parenting.

It’s been difficult to see my ex now thriving with his new partner, actively sharing household responsibilities. It raises questions about why he couldn’t do the same for me. Maybe he learned from our past, and perhaps one day, his new partner will express gratitude for the lessons I learned the hard way.

For more insights on relationships, check out this related blog post on our site here. And if you’re on a journey towards parenthood, Make a Mom offers great resources and support. Additionally, you can find helpful information about pregnancy at WomensHealth.gov.

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In summary, women are exhausted from having to treat their partners like children, constantly reminding them of shared responsibilities. The imbalance can lead to resentment and a breakdown in relationships, emphasizing the need for equal partnership and mutual respect.


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