The Day My Child Asked If the Police Were Here to Harm Him

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It all began with a bubble toy. My son, excited for monthly allowance day, had been eager for a trip to the store with his dad. They returned home with a few items, including a bright purple bubble gun. While we typically enforce a no-toy-guns policy, aside from foam dart blasters allowed in our basement, I figured this inexpensive toy wouldn’t hold his interest for long.

On the day the mail carrier arrived to deliver a package, my son was happily shooting bubbles into the air for his little sister. As I thanked the mail carrier and he drove away, my son playfully aimed his bubble gun toward the truck. I felt a surge of panic. Dropping to one knee to meet his gaze, I firmly told him he must never point any type of gun at anyone. I explained that this behavior could be dangerous and, for a Black boy in America, it could even lead to tragic outcomes. With incidents like Tamir Rice etched in my mind, I knew that law enforcement often cannot distinguish between real and toy guns, and I feared for my son’s safety.

He listened quietly, absorbing every word. As I settled into a lawn chair, my heart raced with uncertainty—had I handled that correctly? Being a white woman, I’ve grown up believing that police exist to protect me from danger, and I often experience trust and respect from authorities that my four Black children do not. How could I have lost sight of this reality, especially just weeks later when I had to call the police to our home?

While outside with my two youngest children, we heard two loud shotgun blasts. Growing up in the countryside, I recognized the sound, but in our suburban neighborhood, it was unsettling. My husband, working from home, came outside to check on us after hearing the noise, and we decided to alert the police.

Within moments of calling 911, a young white officer arrived and asked me to repeat what we had heard. He left shortly after, promising to patrol the area for any suspicious activity. Just as he was driving away, my son asked, “Mom, is the officer here to kill me?”

At just eight years old, he was already aware of the dangers some officers pose to people who look like him. Although we don’t watch the news at home, the realities of systemic racism permeate social media, radio, and the conversations we have with our children about navigating police encounters.

I knelt beside my son, held his hand, and assured him that the officer was there because I had called. But he remained unconvinced and repeated his question. I promised him everything was alright, but deep down, I wondered—are things truly okay?

For me, as a white person, they often are. We subscribe to one narrative regarding the police, but I must teach my children another, one that prepares them for the stark realities of being Black in America. It involves lessons on communicating with officers, where to place their hands, and avoiding behaviors that might draw unnecessary attention. It’s about ensuring they don’t wear hoods or keep their hands in pockets in public. They must be careful not to run or shout in stores, and always be sure to collect receipts and store bags for their purchases.

Supervising their playtime outside is not optional; while other parents may not feel the need to monitor their children’s freedom, it’s a necessity for mine. Free-range parenting can pose serious dangers for Black children, with individuals like Permit Patty or BBQ Becky quick to call the police on Black joy. Building trust with other parents is crucial before allowing my children to visit friends’ homes.

Even with these precautions, the color of their skin can be perceived as a threat by those influenced by white supremacy. Sometimes, this bias operates unconsciously, manifesting in behaviors like clutching a purse in an elevator. Many preach colorblindness and equality but fail to engage in the meaningful anti-racist work that yields real change.

Racism is unyielding, and even within our own property, my children are not shielded from its effects. I’ve made mistakes and spent countless sleepless nights questioning my decisions. I rely heavily on guidance from Black adults while striving to raise my children as confident Black individuals who can navigate this world safely.

I refuse to perpetuate a false narrative that doesn’t protect them. Polite gestures don’t safeguard Black lives. I’ve explained to my children that while some officers genuinely serve their communities and embrace anti-racism, many do not. Unfortunately, all police are part of a system that disproportionately criminalizes Black individuals. We cannot predict how any encounter with an officer will unfold, but we understand that the system is not built in my children’s favor, so we must proceed with caution.

For many white suburban kids, police are viewed as community helpers who engage in positive interactions. For my children, the police represent a potential source of systemic racism. As their mother, it is my responsibility to teach them the skills that could ultimately save their lives.

If you’re interested in learning more about parenting and navigating these challenging conversations, check out this blog post. For authoritative insights on self-insemination, visit Make A Mom and for comprehensive information on pregnancy and home insemination, explore this resource.

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In summary, the experience of a mother grappling with the realities of raising Black children in America reveals the stark contrasts in perceptions of law enforcement and the necessary precautions that must be taken. As a white parent, it is crucial to recognize the privileges afforded to me and to actively engage in anti-racist education for my children, preparing them to navigate a world that often does not see them as safe.


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