Stepping Away from Nursing: A Personal Reflection

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I’m stepping away from nursing after a year of caring for COVID patients, and the trauma has driven me to this decision.

For the past decade, I’ve been a nurse, offering comfort, care, and compassion to those in their most vulnerable moments. I’ve held hands, wiped away tears, and witnessed the fragility of life. My journey in nursing began as a way to heal others, rooted in my own experiences as a trauma survivor.

After five years in home health, providing care to terminally ill patients, I craved the adrenaline and learning opportunities of critical care. So, I took on an on-call position at a local hospital in a small town in Western Colorado, a place known for its natural beauty but also for its conservative politics and community challenges. Just as I was settling into this role, the pandemic hit.

The COVID-19 outbreak transformed my work environment. My agency hours were cut, prompting me to leave my home health position and commit full-time to the hospital. I was relieved to protect my vulnerable patients, but entering the hospital became a daily risk. The shortage of personal protective equipment (PPE) made every shift feel perilous. I was given inadequate N95 masks, and management dismissed my requests for onsite laundered scrubs. I returned home each day, decontaminating myself while worrying about exposing my children to the virus.

As the pandemic worsened, the demands on healthcare workers intensified. My hospital lacked adequate staffing, and I often faced overwhelming patient loads without the necessary resources. Despite the camaraderie I felt with my colleagues, the constant pressure took a toll on my mental and physical well-being. I found myself juggling multiple patients, many of whom were frightened and alone, and I struggled to meet their needs amidst the chaos.

On some days, I felt a sense of accomplishment, but more often, I felt drained and disconnected. The emotional weight of the job became unbearable, and I began questioning my role in an environment that seemed to prioritize presenteeism over our health. Exposed to the virus and without proper support, I felt trapped between my responsibilities as a nurse and my duty to my family.

When I was ultimately dismissed from my position for minor errors, it marked a turning point. Initially, it felt like a devastating blow, but it also opened a new door. I realized that my happiness was being sacrificed for a system that did not value my well-being. Amidst the trauma of COVID, I learned that I needed to prioritize myself and my health over a job that had become toxic.

As I move forward from this chapter, I recognize the need for change in the healthcare industry. Nurses deserve better support and recognition. We must begin to heal ourselves if we want to save our healthcare system.

Further Reading

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In summary, I am leaving nursing—an emotionally charged decision shaped by a year of trauma and resilience. The healthcare system must evolve to support those who dedicate their lives to caring for others.


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