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Anxiety is something we all encounter at some point, whether we recognize it or not. From the nerves of taking an exam or going on a first date to the serious concerns of parenthood or a loved one’s health, anxiety manifests in various ways. Before I sought therapy, I assumed my feelings were typical — merely the usual jitters of adulthood. My initial motivation for therapy was to process my emotions surrounding a potential divorce; after 12 years with one partner, it felt impossible to find an unbiased perspective among friends. What I discovered was that my anxiety was more profound than mere confusion or a racing mind.
While I was familiar with terms like anxiety and depression, I never considered applying them to myself. I thought my worries were standard for someone my age. As my mother once remarked, “we come from a long line of worriers.” I believed that because I had never contemplated self-harm, I couldn’t be depressed.
However, I soon realized that my experiences were anything but ordinary. Coming home from work and immediately retreating to bed to binge-watch TV every night? Not normal. Feeling unworthy of happiness or excitement? Definitely not normal. Being unable to enjoy precious moments with my daughter, bundled in her little onesie with a bow? Absolutely not normal.
I had hoped that once I received this significant diagnosis, a clear path to healing would follow. After all, when you visit a doctor, they prescribe medication, and you expect to feel better. But I quickly learned that managing mental health issues is much more complex. While I was given tools to manage my anxiety, the negative feelings can be subdued during good times but lurk just beneath the surface, ready to pounce at any moment of weakness.
There are moments when I forget about my anxiety. When I thrive at work, push my limits at the gym, and plan fun activities with my child, I feel capable and confident. But then, if I stay up late to finish a movie, the next day, anxiety takes the wheel. If I don’t contribute enough in a meeting, I question my qualifications. If I let my daughter watch a show while I do chores, I worry she’ll become overly reliant on screens and that I’m failing as a parent. If my partner asks if everything is okay, I fear he’s unhappy and will leave me, just like others have done. None of this is grounded in reality; my rational mind knows that. But when anxiety takes over, logic fades away.
When a specific trigger hits, the real chaos begins. And by chaos, I mean panic attacks. They often strike when I’m already feeling anxious, sometimes triggered by an existing sensitivity, and they escalate quickly. Suddenly, I feel detached from the world — everything appears hazy, sounds are muffled, and time seems to freeze. Thoughts vanish, replaced by darkness and pain. While these moments pass, they can feel like an eternity.
Fortunately, these attacks are infrequent. They tend to resurface during tough times, such as during my divorce or after the sudden loss of a beloved pet. However, the techniques I learned in therapy sometimes help. When I carve out time to meditate, it often eases my anxiety a bit. Music is my go-to remedy; I’ve created a soothing Spotify playlist that I play when anxiety starts to creep in, and if I catch it early, it can help calm the storm.
John Mayer’s song “Emoji of a Wave” captures the ups and downs associated with the end of a relationship. While the song isn’t about anxiety, I find myself reciting the chorus whenever I feel myself slipping into a panic attack:
“Oh honey
Oh honey
It’s just a wave
It’s just a wave and I know
That when it comes
I just hold on
I just hold on.”
Music serves as my coping mechanism, but it might not work for everyone. What I hope is that sharing my story and discussing these experiences can help others feel less isolated. If my words resonate with anyone struggling, it’s worth the vulnerability. Remember, if you’re facing mental health challenges, don’t hesitate to seek help. You’re not alone in this.
For more insights on navigating mental health and the intersection with family life, check out one of our other blog posts here. Additionally, for advice on fertility, visit Make a Mom, an authority on the subject. For comprehensive support regarding pregnancy, Drugs.com offers excellent resources.
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- Signs of Anxiety
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- Managing Mental Health
- Understanding Depression
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In summary, it’s crucial to recognize that anxiety can manifest in unexpected ways, and acknowledging it is the first step toward managing it. Seeking help and using coping strategies can make a significant difference in navigating these challenges.
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