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My eldest child is set to graduate high school in just a couple of months. Throughout his school years, he has barely scraped by, often just making the cut to pass each grade. He has a strong aversion to school and struggles to stay seated for long periods. There were times when I doubted whether he would even graduate.
While I do my best to encourage him to submit his assignments, I’m not the kind of parent who will complete his schoolwork for him. If he ends up needing summer school or has to repeat a grade, I believe that’s the best lesson in understanding the importance of meeting deadlines.
However, my son is one of the hardest workers I know. He simply doesn’t thrive in a traditional classroom setting. Right now, he’s busy picking up trash at the local landfill. During his April break, he’s been working outside for 10-hour shifts, and on weekends, he assists his father with plumbing. This is who he is; he enjoys being active, fixing things, and working with his hands.
From early on, I recognized that college might not be in his future like it was for his father and me. When we had three children, we assumed they would all follow our path to higher education, so we began saving for that goal.
But after going through a divorce and managing three kids, saving enough for college without incurring debt feels nearly impossible. The average annual cost for an out-of-state public college is about $21,000, which is relatively modest compared to the nearly $37,000 for private institutions.
I graduated from a private university in 1993. While my mother contributed a bit to my education, she was a single parent raising four kids. I’m still paying off my student loans, a burden that will last another five years.
If my son wanted to pursue college, I would support him wholeheartedly. But honestly, I’m relieved that he won’t be facing the daunting prospect of accumulating massive debt, and I’m glad I won’t have to take out more loans to help cover costs—that’s just not feasible for us.
Even though we earn a decent income, there are other siblings to consider who will soon be in school. Life always seems to throw unexpected challenges our way, making it difficult to save for college.
We also need to set aside funds for our retirement so that we can be financially independent and not burden our children with our care when the time comes.
If my son changes his mind about college later in life, I’ll be ready to support him because I believe he is worth it. However, the relief of not having to navigate student loans, grants, and mountains of paperwork is a significant weight off my shoulders.
I’m grateful he’s not attending just because all his friends are going or because he feels pressured to conform. I appreciate that he recognizes he has options. The financial burden of college tuition can be staggering, especially if someone is only going to fit in or because they think their parents expect it.
Ultimately, my goal is for my children to find happiness. Whether that means attending a technical college, trade school, university, or opting out of higher education altogether, I will support their choices.
What I won’t do is pressure them into further schooling if it’s not what they truly want—because that’s what I experienced, and I believe they would regret it if they felt forced.
My son is now a young adult and must make his own decisions and learn from them. I remember when I was his age, I couldn’t fully comprehend the financial implications of borrowing for school, even though the information was laid out clearly in front of me.
As a parent of teenagers, there are countless worries already. Managing the costs of college is just one of those concerns. However, it has been challenging to engage him in his studies, and there’s no way I would send an unmotivated learner off to further education only to see him fall into debt. So, I’m not shy to express that this alleviation is a relief for both me and, likely, for him as well.
For more insights on this topic, check out this related blog post. And if you’re exploring options for home insemination, Make A Mom is a great resource, as well as Cleveland Clinic for information on intrauterine insemination.
Search Queries:
- How to support a child not going to college
- Benefits of trade schools versus college
- Managing college costs as a single parent
- Signs your child isn’t ready for college
- Alternative education paths for teens
In summary, I’m grateful that my son has chosen not to pursue college at this time. This decision not only frees him from potential debt but also allows him to explore his passion for hands-on work. As a parent, I prioritize his happiness and am committed to supporting him, regardless of the educational path he chooses.
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