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If you’ve faced postpartum depression, anxiety, OCD, or any other perinatal mood disorder, you understand the overwhelming toll these experiences can take. I was diagnosed with postpartum depression (PPD) in late 2013 and didn’t start to see the light until the summer of 2014—almost 16 months after my child was born. This meant that for an entire year, I was struggling and feeling lost, and I often found myself contemplating the unthinkable.
Mental health issues are increasingly recognized, yet maternal mental health remains largely misunderstood. After all, having just welcomed a beautiful baby should be a time of joy and celebration, a period filled with blissful moments. But what if those feelings don’t come?
The documentary “Year One” seeks to delve into this difficult question, chronicling writer and filmmaker Maya Thompson’s journey through her first year of motherhood.
“When I embark on creating a documentary, I do so with a mindset of ‘seeking.’ I start with a question, and the film allows me to find answers,” Thompson shares. “Initially, I wanted to explore the concept of motherhood, but it wasn’t until I became a mom that I truly understood what that entailed. I felt a strong urge to document the identity shifts that occur, but I was diagnosed with postpartum depression early in the filming process. This diagnosis deeply influenced the film as I sought ways to grow, to heal, and to mend.”
“The initial weeks after giving birth were a whirlwind of emotions unlike anything I had anticipated,” Thompson reveals in the film. “I was so consumed with merely surviving that it took a long time for me to bond with my daughter, Lily. Everything I read suggested this was ‘normal,’ but hearing friends and family urge me to cherish every moment made me feel like I was failing. I started to question if I was cut out for motherhood.”
Thompson’s feelings are far from unique; many parents grapple with the challenge of forming a connection with their newborns. Becoming a parent means building a relationship from scratch, and feelings of inadequacy often arise, leaving them to second-guess every decision. This struggle is rarely discussed, be it difficulties with feeding, sleepless nights, or the overwhelming nature of new parenthood. When compounded with hormonal changes and a chemical imbalance, the experience can feel insurmountable.
“Some days, it feels like I can’t catch my breath,” Thompson confesses in “Year One.” “I find myself crying uncontrollably, weighed down by guilt, feeling like I should be stronger or more appreciative.” PPD stripped Thompson of these feelings, leaving her in a state of sadness and detachment. The tipping point came when she hit what she describes as “rock bottom.”
“I felt as if I was drowning in darkness,” Thompson admits. “There were times when I thought my daughter would be better off without me. I contemplated ending my life.”
Fortunately, Thompson reached out for help, as many others, including myself, have done. In seeking support from their partners, they found a glimmer of hope. Thompson turned to peer support groups, while I sought assistance from a psychologist and psychiatrist. With therapy and medication, I managed to reclaim my emotional stability. Importantly, one does not have to reach “rock bottom” to begin the path to recovery.
“I believe that education plays a vital role in understanding, treating, and preventing perinatal mood and anxiety disorders (PMADs),” Thompson emphasizes. “The more people know about PMADs, the better equipped they will be.” Knowledge can empower individuals to seek help.
“When my postpartum depression intensified, I hesitated to ask for assistance, fearing someone might take my daughter away,” Thompson recounts. “There’s a damaging myth in our society that associates postpartum depression with harming your child, while the truth is that harm is a symptom of postpartum psychosis, which is extremely rare—occurring in only 1 in 1,000 mothers.”
The signs of postpartum and perinatal mood disorders can manifest in various ways: from anger and apathy to sadness, irritability, and anxiety. A loss of interest in previously enjoyed activities, alongside intrusive thoughts and fears, are also common indicators that something is amiss.
“Year One” is set to be released on May 4 and will be available for viewing on YouTube and the documentary’s official site. If you or someone you know is experiencing symptoms of postpartum depression, anxiety, OCD, or any other perinatal mood disorder, it’s crucial to know that help and hope are available. For immediate support, contact your physician or OB/GYN, or consult resources like Postpartum Support International.
For further insightful content, check out this related blog post. Additionally, you may find valuable information on fertility with resources like Make a Mom, and for pregnancy guidance, this excellent resource is available.
To summarize, “Year One” is a poignant exploration of the complexities of motherhood, particularly the often-unspoken struggles surrounding maternal mental health. Through the lens of personal experience, it sheds light on the realities faced by many new parents, advocating for understanding, education, and support.
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