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When I welcomed my first child, I was taken aback by her lighter complexion. Given my very dark skin, I had always assumed our children would share a similar hue. However, aside from that initial surprise, skin color wasn’t something I pondered frequently within my biracial family. My priority has always been to nurture my children, which is a full-time job in itself! Often, I don’t even notice the significant contrast in our skin tones that seems to attract others’ attention. Ultimately, we are a family, and that transcends our differences.
My three-year-old, Mia, is observant, curious, and quite expressive. She quickly pointed out, “Mommy is Black, but Mia, Lily, and Daddy are beige.” I hadn’t anticipated how aware my children would be of race until she made that comment.
Recently, I found myself in an unplanned discussion about race. After styling Mia’s hair, I playfully remarked, “You’re so beautiful! I want to look like you.” A light-hearted compliment meant to boost her confidence was taken quite literally by her. Looking back, I realize it wasn’t the best choice of words, leading us down an unexpected path. Here’s how our exchange unfolded:
Mia: You do? Then we need to make your hair longer and change your skin color. I don’t like your skin color.
Me: Why not?
Mia: Because it’s black. I prefer beige like mine.
Me: I love my skin just like you love yours; we’re both beautiful!
Mia: I don’t like black. I like pink, purple, blue, yellow… I want you to be pink, and I’ll be purple.
At this point, I felt a wave of relief. It was clear that her innocent comment didn’t stem from any racial animosity. I continued, “I love my skin, you love yours, Daddy loves his, and we’re ALL beautiful just as we are.” Mia responded with enthusiasm, “Yes! Thumbs up if you like your skin!” We shared a joyful thumbs-up moment, celebrating our unique appearances.
Even though this was an innocent conversation about appreciating diversity—pink, purple, black, and white—the exchange lingered in my mind, leaving me unsettled. I found myself questioning whether she genuinely wished I were “beige” like them. I had always believed our children would naturally embrace their differences, given the diverse environment we provide through books, shows, and toys.
However, I couldn’t shake off the anxiety about what her innocent remark might mean for her understanding of race in the future. I realized it was essential to address this topic. So, I gently redirected her, saying, “Mia, we need to chat.”
Me: Mia, I want you to understand that skin color doesn’t matter. If everyone looked the same, life would be so dull. Our differences make us unique! Daddy is white, and I’m Black, so you’re a blend of both.
Mia: No, I’m not. I don’t see any black. Daddy is beige. I’m beige. You’re black. I love rainbow colors; I just don’t like black.
At this point, I thought, “Is there a manual for how to navigate this?!”
Me: It’s okay if you don’t like black as a color for your toys or clothes, but when it comes to skin, we must respect and appreciate our differences! Everyone is equally beautiful, regardless of their skin tone.
Mia: I’m sorry for saying I didn’t love your skin. You’re beautiful, and you’re the best mom ever!
In the hours following our conversation, my emotions were all over the place. While I knew her words came from a place of innocence, it struck me how society can twist natural differences into something that evokes strong emotions.
My sweet little girl, who doesn’t yet grasp the complexities of race, was simply expressing her thoughts. Yet, I found myself grappling with conflicting emotions. We decided to take a family walk, and I couldn’t help but smile at the beauty of our differences, reassured that we are all perfect just as we are, capable of achieving great things individually and as a family.
A couple of days later, out of nowhere, she paused during breakfast and said, “Mommy, your skin is very beautiful.” I replied, “Your skin is beautiful too.” To which she smiled and said, “Thank you, Mommy,” before continuing her meal.
This experience reminded me of a crucial truth: Children notice color, and that’s important. We shouldn’t shy away from these difficult conversations because we think they’re too young to understand or because they make us uncomfortable. Their perspective is often filled with curiosity, and we should nurture that.
Encouraging open dialogue about their views on race in an age-appropriate manner can help them understand and advocate for equality. As parents, we play a vital role in shaping their perspectives as they grow—regardless of their skin color.
I was also reminded that as parents, we have to be proactive in raising children who are aware of racial issues. Nurturing biracial kids in a society that may try to impose notions of superiority based on race is challenging but essential. I am committed to educating my daughters to challenge these ideas and promote equality, hoping they will share this knowledge and compassion with their peers for a brighter future.
For more insights on navigating these conversations, you can explore additional resources like this article or check out the expertise at Make a Mom. For those interested in understanding infertility better, this resource is invaluable.
Summary:
A mother’s conversation with her biracial daughter about skin color revealed the child’s innocent perspective on race. The mother, initially taken aback by her daughter’s comment expressing a preference for lighter skin, navigated the discussion with sensitivity. They acknowledged their unique beauty and the importance of appreciating diversity. This experience underscored the need for open dialogue about race with children, fostering understanding and acceptance.
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