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Recently, I tuned into a podcast discussing how to help teenagers transition back into a “semi-normal” lifestyle post-pandemic. With two of my kids eager to return to school and another preferring virtual learning, I’ve observed significant changes in their emotions over the past year. As their mother, I’m navigating a complex range of feelings, and I could certainly use some guidance.
My daughter, who has always been somewhat reserved, has experienced heightened social anxiety as she’s grown older. While the isolation of the past year initially seemed to benefit her, it has now led to increased anxiety when facing social situations. Conversely, my other two children were excited about returning to school, but they also expressed nervousness.
During the podcast, a psychologist emphasized the importance of avoiding phrases like “Everything will be fine; don’t worry.” Such statements can invalidate children’s feelings, making them feel dismissed and as though their concerns are trivial or hopeless. Reflecting on my own upbringing, I remember how my mother and grandparents would shy away from discussing difficult topics, preferring to maintain a façade of positivity. If I approached my mom with a problem, her go-to response was often, “It will be fine,” leaving me feeling unseen and unheard.
As an adult, I sometimes grapple with my boyfriend’s unyielding positivity. While his outlook can be uplifting, it occasionally crosses into the territory of toxic positivity, especially when he encourages his child to simply “tough it out” instead of acknowledging their feelings. He’s starting to understand that this approach can be harmful and can make others feel as though their emotions are unimportant.
His challenging childhood experiences, where he often felt the need to stay positive to cope, have influenced his mindset. While he’s accomplished much and maintains a cheerful demeanor, I’ve noticed he engages in unhealthy behaviors like compulsive gambling and binge drinking—perhaps as a way to escape repressed feelings. This highlights the crucial distinction between genuine positivity and toxic positivity.
Dr. Ava Simmons explains that toxic positivity refers to insincere positivity that can lead to harm or misunderstanding. If you’re telling someone who is struggling to just “walk it off” or suggesting they meditate to feel better, you may unintentionally come off as unsympathetic. This approach can leave individuals feeling as though their emotions are invalid, which is detrimental.
We must learn to listen and validate each other’s experiences, especially when it comes to our children. Phrases like “positive vibes only” can pressure individuals to suppress their fears and emotions, which is unhealthy. Toxic positivity fosters an environment where people feel compelled to fake happiness, creating further harm. We need to embrace a full spectrum of emotions, demonstrating to our children that it’s acceptable to express sadness or frustration without fear of judgment.
Ultimately, we should show them that experiencing different emotions is part of being human. Understanding this can help them feel comfortable expressing their own feelings, fostering emotional intelligence and resilience.
For further insights on this topic, check out one of our other blog posts that delves deeper into emotional well-being. Additionally, if you’re looking for information about home insemination, this resource from Make a Mom offers valuable insights. For further reading on pregnancy and home insemination, Parents provides an excellent resource.
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In summary, distinguishing between positivity and toxic positivity is vital for emotional health. We need to create spaces where feelings can be shared and validated, fostering resilience and understanding in ourselves and our children.
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