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It was the toothpaste crust that pushed me over the edge the other night. Yes, toothpaste crust. It might seem trivial, but if you’re a parent of teenagers or pre-teens, you understand. It’s never really just about the crust.
It’s the same as those few bowls and water bottles lying around their room. Or the socks on the floor. Or the baseball cleats blocking the entrance. Or the trash that didn’t get taken out.
It’s about the countless reminders they’ve had to clean up—reminders about chores that seem to fall on deaf ears. But here we are again.
I feel like I spend all my time repeating myself, only to see tasks left undone. It’s exhausting, and I genuinely dislike the constant nagging. My kids might even be on their way to complete the task when they get sidetracked, leading me to remind them yet again. I’ve witnessed this scenario play out over and over.
I’ve tried everything. We even have a chore chart in the kitchen with clear consequences for neglecting responsibilities. Yet, here I am, still nagging and still seeing little change.
Please tell me I’m not alone in this struggle. Please say it gets easier.
It’s not just the nagging that drives me crazy. It’s the underlying feeling of failure. Why can’t my kids listen the first time? Am I just background noise to them? Do they not respect me? If I don’t stay on top of them, will they grow up to be entitled? Will they end up living in chaos, surrounded by dirty socks and half-drunk water bottles?
These questions haunt me, which is why I find myself nagging more than I’d like to admit.
Perhaps, instead of nagging, I should take a step back. Their reluctance to clean the bathroom after I’ve reminded them a dozen times isn’t a personal jab at me or a sign of their laziness. It’s simply a reflection of their developing brains.
According to Dr. Alex Simmons, a child psychologist, “The prefrontal cortex is still maturing during the teenage years. When they don’t act on your requests promptly, it’s usually not about disrespect; they may not fully grasp the consequences of their inaction.”
Psychologist Lisa Morgan, Ph.D. notes that teens are primarily focused on discovering their identity. They might become someone who values cleanliness or they might not. It’s all part of their growth. Nagging, she explains, often sends the message that they are not enough as they are.
Does this mean we need to accept seeing our teens lounging around while we tidy up after them? Not necessarily. It’s about striking a balance and communicating effectively. I should prioritize my battles; for example, I want to keep shared spaces clean, but maybe I can ease my expectations for their room. Thinking about the clutter in their personal space causes me anxiety, but experts suggest that sometimes, it’s best to just close the door and breathe.
I don’t have all the answers, but something needs to change. The nagging is as frustrating as the toothpaste crust itself.
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