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“I feel like I’m failing my kids.” This was how a conversation started with a friend who needed to share her feelings as a fellow parent. Even before she spoke those words, I could sense the weariness and concern in her tone. At that moment, I wasn’t ready to admit that I felt the same way.
The following week, I expressed nearly the same sentiment to her: “My kids are going to struggle in kindergarten because of me. I can’t handle it all.” The pandemic pushed me to voice thoughts I had never entertained before: “I can’t do this.” Before the pandemic, I managed to juggle everything, even if not perfectly. I would never have confessed to needing help; as long as I checked off my to-do list, I believed I was managing just fine. Writer Anne Helen Peterson highlights in a New York Times article, “This is parenting burnout, pandemic style: You’re still managing the mental load of the household while also ensuring the masks are clean, adhering to Zoom schedules, and trying to figure out how much screen time is too much versus just enough to get through the day.”
But why do so many parents, including myself, feel the need to do it all? Society plays a significant role in shaping those expectations. With the polished living rooms and immaculate kitchens showcased on Instagram, it seems like everyone else is managing — so we should too, right?
Not necessarily. Let’s be honest — those perfect images often omit the reality of piled-up laundry and dirty dishes. The notion that we can “do it all” is a facade, and we need to acknowledge how unrealistic this pressure is. It leads to burnout, and it’s essential to voice our struggles. Try this: listen to yourself and repeat after me: I am burned out.
We are exhausted because of the overwhelming responsibilities we face. We feel worn out because we believe we can’t take a day off. We are fatigued from the effort to provide our children with a sense of normalcy, even during a pandemic. Peterson notes in her article, “How Burnout Became the Norm for American Parents,” that “the metaphor of the second shift isn’t a metaphor at all — they are doing two full-time jobs. As a result, they sleep less and spend significantly less time on themselves.”
We are drained because we want tidy homes and well-kept yards. We hesitate to ask for help, often feeling we can’t afford assistance for cleaning, childcare, or even a few hours of respite.
It’s a cycle we’ve created, and the only way to break free is to acknowledge our fatigue, accept that we can’t do everything, and recognize that we shouldn’t be expected to. We fear stopping — afraid of job insecurity, of disappointing our partners because the house isn’t spotless, or of being judged by our kids’ teachers for not being involved enough. This negative self-talk is pervasive; it’s time to silence it. As parents, we must choose to forge a new path. Advocating for ourselves at work, home, and school may take effort, but our mental well-being is at stake.
What can further assist us is spending time outdoors. A New York Times article by Jessica Grose suggests that “[g]oing outside, or even simulating the outdoors, may help when you’re feeling mentally dull.” Research shows that being in nature, or even viewing images of it, can enhance cognitive function. Though it may be challenging to find the time, a 50-minute outdoor walk can improve memory and reduce anxiety, regardless of the weather (though it’s easier to enjoy if it’s not freezing outside).
Once you realize how burned out you are, take a moment to look at your kids — they might need a break too. Lead by example: let them see you relaxing, coffee in hand, surrounded by unwashed dishes, unanswered emails, and your favorite show or book. They need to understand that you too deserve a moment of rest, and taking a break should be seen as a valuable goal, not a source of shame.
If we neglect our own needs — allowing the laundry to accumulate, ordering takeout instead of cooking, skipping another activity for our kids, or tackling one task at a time instead of frantically multitasking — we risk passing on to our children the same exhausting lifestyle we’ve adopted. A life where we are perpetually drained, afraid to seek help, and feel like failures.
It doesn’t have to be like this. Let’s not pass on the belief that this is normal to the next generation. Allow yourself to take that well-deserved break. You’ll be doing yourself a favor, and your children will reap the benefits in the long run.
For more insights on this topic, check out this blog post, which discusses similar challenges. For authoritative resources on home insemination, visit Make a Mom and explore NHS’s comprehensive guide on intrauterine insemination.
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Summary:
The pressures of modern parenting can lead to overwhelming burnout, particularly during the pandemic. Many parents feel they must do it all, driven by societal expectations, which ultimately leads to exhaustion. Acknowledging our limits and taking breaks is crucial not only for our well-being but also for modeling healthy behaviors for our children. By stepping back and prioritizing self-care, we can break the cycle of burnout and foster a more balanced life for ourselves and future generations.
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