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We all know that mom—the one whose home was always spotless for playdates while ours looked like a toy explosion. She effortlessly hosted Pinterest-worthy birthday parties complete with themed cakes and decorations. She seemed to have it all figured out, always dressed nicely without a hint of chaos in her messy bun.
Well, I was that mom—and I was deeply unhappy.
Understanding High-Functioning Anxiety
High-functioning anxiety allows individuals to maintain a facade of normalcy while internally grappling with overwhelming anxiety. For me, this meant that even though I felt like I was sinking beneath waves of stress, I appeared to be managing everything just fine. I left my anxiety ignored for years, and since I didn’t exhibit the typical signs associated with severe anxiety, no one seemed to notice. This suited me just fine.
I juggled parenting, work, and even led a Girl Scouts troop for a time. Beneath this exterior, however, I was constantly worried—worried that I wasn’t doing enough or that I wasn’t doing it well enough. I feared that if I couldn’t keep up, I would be seen as a failure.
I was convinced that everyone who mattered would be disappointed or even pity me for not having it all together. I pushed myself to achieve my best, and then some. In my mind, if I could outrun my flaws and failures, I would be safe from rejection.
Sounds dramatic, right? It was. One day, I was late picking up my child from half-day Pre-K and forgot to put on a hat to cover my messy hair. I had stayed in my loungewear all day. As I parked, embarrassment washed over me, and I almost turned back. Thankfully, my daughter was the line leader, and we made a quick exit. Still, I convinced myself that all the other moms thought I was lazy and foolish. I cried throughout the drive home.
This is how high-functioning anxiety can manifest. My untreated anxiety blurred the lines between rationality and irrational self-talk. This is the distinction between a perfectionist and someone with a high-functioning mental illness: one seeks to achieve excellence, while the other feels a deep, primal fear that everything will collapse if they don’t meet their own unrealistic standards.
People with high-functioning mental health issues face a unique challenge. My ability to function well often meant I was trying to keep up with unrealistic expectations. For example, I vividly remember the stress I felt the night before Crazy Hair Day in fall 2019. My youngest daughter wanted cupcake buns, while her older sister sought something more polished for her first-grade appearance. We meticulously planned the hairstyle, watched countless YouTube tutorials, and I even compromised on makeup to enhance the look.
Despite our efforts, anxiety gnawed at me. I couldn’t shake the “what if” scenarios—what if her hairstyle fell apart? What if another child had a better version? What if she felt embarrassed or thought I wasn’t good enough? This was my inner dialogue, and I wish I were exaggerating.
Can you relate? When struggling with untreated mental illness, sharing these thoughts can feel daunting. You fear being labeled as irrational. Logically, you may know those worries are unfounded, but your mind feels at odds with reality.
Perhaps if I had opened up about my feelings, I would have recognized how unhealthy my thoughts were. Statistics show that nearly 1 in 5 adults in the U.S. experience anxiety disorders, with women being twice as likely to suffer from them over their lifetimes, as noted by the Office On Women’s Health.
When I finally sought treatment for my Generalized Anxiety Disorder, I found a more balanced state of being. Suddenly, friends and family began to express concern. They wondered what was wrong when I didn’t seem to be in crisis anymore. They questioned my decreased energy levels, implying that I wasn’t as productive as before. The most supportive question is, “How can we help?”
If you or someone you know exhibits perfectionist tendencies, initiating an open conversation can be invaluable. You don’t need to launch into a full intervention; even a simple, “How are you really doing?” can make a world of difference. Honest discussions about mental health can change lives, preventing someone from suffering in silence.
So, I share my story to help reshape the narrative. I know I’m not alone in this struggle, and I hope you don’t feel alone either. For more support and tips, check out this blog post that dives deeper into related topics. And for those looking for reliable resources on pregnancy and insemination, visit Make a Mom for their expertise or explore Women’s Health for comprehensive information.
Summary:
The article discusses the experiences of a mother who appeared to be the ideal parent but struggled with high-functioning anxiety. Despite maintaining a perfect front, she felt intense pressure to meet unrealistic expectations, which led to inner turmoil. The narrative highlights the importance of open conversations about mental health and the need for support. It encourages readers to recognize the signs of anxiety and to seek help while fostering dialogue around mental health.
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