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When my middle child was just four, and my youngest still small enough to doze off in a wrap on my back, our group of mom friends congregated at Lily’s house—our regular meeting spot. It was a time for us to unwind while the children roamed free, giggling and playing in the backyard. There were about five or six of us, including Jenna. We ushered the kids outside to enjoy the fresh air, a lively crew ranging from ages seven to three. The littlest ones played in the sand while the older kids chased each other in a game of tag, and we only tuned into the sounds of pain if they happened to scream.
I can’t recall the specifics of our conversation—perhaps we chatted about our kids, yarn, baby wraps, homeschooling, or how to remove that stubborn permanent marker stain from the wall. Lily’s home wasn’t pristine; dirty dishes filled the sink, and laundry overflowed in the room next door. We lounged on couches, sometimes nursing babies to sleep while our own bodies were partially exposed.
Suddenly, the back door swung open, and my four-year-old, Max, burst in, leading a parade of children behind him, shovel in hand. With all the confidence of a paleontologist, he announced, “I DUG UP A DEAD CAT!” and promptly dropped a pile of bones onto the kitchen floor.
I was frozen in horror.
My friends erupted into laughter.
I Need More Dead Cat Friends
Lily, Jenna, and the others were genuine friends. I saw their imperfections—their laundry piles and dirty dishes. When Max dumped a pile of bones in the middle of the room, they laughed for a good five minutes. A “dead cat” friend is someone who sees you in your messy reality and embraces it. They invite you into their lives, saying, “Your chaos? Come see mine; we’ll love each other even more.”
These friends accept your varied tastes, whether it’s music, fashion, or parenting choices. They may not always agree with you, but it doesn’t matter; you share the same struggles with laundry and meal planning. When your husband (like mine) does all the cooking, they might tease you, yet they still understand the challenges of dinner time. Dead cat friends can be different and still support one another.
Dead cat friends don’t blame you for your kids being kids. They understand that kids can be messy, refuse to share, and sometimes draw on the walls. When your child is upset because someone threw sand at them, you comfort them, then shrug and say, “Eh. Kids.”
They Cherish Your Kids
These friends appreciate your children’s quirks and love them for who they are. Your kids aren’t just accessories to your life; they genuinely like them. When Max dumped that shovel of bones, my dead cat friends laughed, partly because they knew his dream of becoming a paleontologist. They were aware of my youngest’s favorite baby wraps and that my oldest had a mischievous streak when paired with Lily’s son.
True dead cat friends celebrate your kids and vice versa. You can’t help but laugh when their four-year-old climbs the stairs, shaking his hips while singing, “My butt, my butt, my butt is in the circus!” (That little entertainer belonged to Sarah, another wonderful dead cat friend). Even years later, I still chuckle when I think about it. You admire their children’s unique styles and play pretend with their toys, sharing countless memories together.
And it flows both ways. Dead cat friends take the time to engage with your children, and in return, your kids respond to the love and kindness they receive. When you arrive at their house, your children rush in, calling out their friends’ names as if they belong there. They know the rules: shoes go by the door, and they aren’t allowed upstairs. They know these are their dead cat friends, and they visit often.
I Miss My Dead Cat Friends
Life has its cycles. Friends move away, and circumstances change. Now, I have just one true dead cat friend left. As our children grow, the topics of conversation shift from baby-related issues to new, more relatable subjects. We can laugh about her son’s voice changing or share the latest gossip—things I wouldn’t share with anyone else.
Emily has cleaned my house when I was overwhelmed. That’s what dead cat friends do. After we were both vaccinated, her home was the first indoor space I visited, and I joyfully exclaimed, “I’M TOUCHING YOUR COUNTERS!” She laughed with me, not at me—an indication of a true friend.
I can name her pets and her favorite book series. She brought me fresh eggs, and now my kids insist they only want “Emily’s eggs” because they’re “better.” They would hug her if it weren’t for the pandemic. When I visit, I know exactly where to park and how to navigate her tricky backyard latch. She knows how to soothe my whiny seven-year-old.
I absolutely adore her kids.
I long for more dead cat friends. However, having one amazing dead cat friend is far better than having numerous casual acquaintances. Emily may not appreciate the term, but I’m sure her cat, Mr. Whiskers, will forgive me for it.
For more insights on parenting and friendship, check out our other blog post here. Also, if you’re interested in home insemination, visit Make A Mom for expert advice and information. Moreover, NHS provides valuable resources for pregnancy and home insemination.
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Summary
The article reflects on the warmth and authenticity of “dead cat” friends—those who embrace you in your messiness and celebrate your children, quirks and all. As life changes, cherishing these friendships becomes essential, reminding us that true connection transcends the ordinary.
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