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Parents have a wide range of opinions when it comes to screen time for kids. Some enforce strict no-screen policies, while others have no limitations at all. Most of us likely fall somewhere in between. As of now, the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends limiting total screen time to one or two hours a day across devices like TVs, tablets, and phones.
What I’m about to share isn’t drawn from scientific studies or expert recommendations. I’m just a devoted mom offering a glimpse into my family’s life, hoping to encourage a little understanding and compassion for parents like me.
It’s time to stop judging other parents for the screen time choices they make that you might not agree with.
For quite a while, I adhered to the two-hour guideline. My eldest child didn’t engage with screens until he was two years old, after which he was allowed to watch educational shows on my tablet. Now that Ethan is eight, he typically only watches programs that are educational. He plays a few minutes of games on his iPad or enjoys some PlayStation time with his dad on weekends. Ethan isn’t glued to screens; in fact, he prefers outdoor play, drawing, and building things.
My youngest, Lily, is following a similar path. At almost a year and a half, she only sees a screen for a few minutes of “Cocomelon” while I manage to shower. She’s simply too active to want screen time.
Our middle child, however, requires a different approach. Noah is on the autism spectrum. He doesn’t need many accommodations and thrives in a mainstream classroom, but he does face unique challenges. His language skills are a bit behind, yet he effectively communicates his needs. Although he might cover his ears when the blender is running, he still comes over to see what I’m cooking.
The iPad has played a significant role in Noah’s development. When he was learning to communicate verbally, educational apps provided him with language to mimic without the pressure of conversing with others. While speech therapy has been transformative for him, apps like those from the Endless family have also been a game-changer. Noah isn’t limited in how much he uses the iPad, but we’re very selective about the content he engages with. Remarkably, he has managed to teach himself to read and even grasp basic math and advanced shapes.
Now that Noah is more verbal, he uses his iPad in new ways. It serves as a tool for learning, but it also offers him a chance to decompress. After a busy day with family or at school, he often needs to recharge. Our home is lively, with two siblings, a playful dog, and two parents, so finding a quiet space for him can be challenging.
Noah has the unique ability to focus intensely. He doesn’t require silence or a designated quiet area; he just needs the freedom to tune out the chaos. When he turns on a favorite video or app, he can escape the sensory overload around him, and when he’s ready, he’s relaxed and more open to engaging with the family.
Sometimes, this need for screen time happens in public. You might see us having dinner at a picnic table in the park, and instead of conversing with Noah, you might notice him engrossed in a phone. It’s easy to jump to conclusions about my parenting choices.
But there’s so much more going on beneath the surface.
What you might not realize is that earlier that day, Noah spent five hours at school where he had to work significantly harder than typical kids to navigate tasks like ordering lunch, waiting in line, and interacting with peers—all while wearing a mask. After school, he kept that mask on during our grocery trip, where he faced a barrage of sights, sounds, and smells. He remained silent and patient, even when the cold freezer aisles and pungent fish counter could have overwhelmed him.
By the time we arrive at the park for dinner, Noah is nearing the end of a long day filled with sensory challenges. When I offer him food, he struggles with the overwhelming array of flavors and textures. He calmly responds, “No dinner. Just Prime Video.”
His expression conveys that he isn’t simply refusing food or demanding a device; he’s communicating his need for a break in the only way he knows how. In asking for screen time, he advocates for his own well-being.
When you see him with a phone, seemingly ignoring the family, remember that it’s a sign of his progress. Occasionally, he’ll glance up from the screen and take a small bite of food, or smile at the amusing antics of his baby sister.
Eventually, when his brother finishes eating and invites him to play on the swings, you’ll see the phone left on the table, the video still playing, as Noah races hand-in-hand with Ethan toward the playground. His break was just what he needed to reconnect with us.
For some children, screen time serves a purpose beyond mere entertainment.
Before you judge, consider that you might not know the full story. Every child is unique, and with that uniqueness comes different needs and ways of coping. If there’s one lesson my son can teach us, it’s that “different is definitely not less.”
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In summary, navigating parenting, especially with children who have unique needs, requires flexibility and understanding. The way families approach screen time varies, and it’s essential to look beyond the surface before forming judgments. Each child’s needs are different, and what works for one might not work for another.
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