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“I heard that guy was really rough with her while she was bent over the kitchen counter,” said Jake.
“Yeah, but—”
“And she’s been with like every guy at the hostel. It’s just gross.”
We were sitting in a bustling courtyard filled with food trucks near the vibrant bars of Budapest. I was in the midst of a year-long solo adventure around the globe. Jake, a traveler from New Zealand, was also exploring Europe for a few months.
As I listened to him discuss this woman, my mind wandered to the men I had encountered during my travels. It had been three months, and I could count seven, including him… In Malta, I had a sweet encounter with a charming Argentinian in the hostel showers. In Pisa, there was a romantic Italian construction worker who adored opera. I met a muscular German on the beach in San Sebastian; we didn’t speak the same language, but our bodies communicated just fine.
Then in Barcelona, there was the older Belgian man — we shared an intimate moment at a rave in a castle. I also connected with my long-time Swiss friend in his buddy’s apartment in Berlin. Just the day before I met Jake in Budapest, I had an unforgettable night with a handsome Portuguese business student in his hostel bed while his friend snoozed above us. (He assured me it wouldn’t be a problem.)
But I kept all this to myself that day in the courtyard. Instead, I munched on my veggie burger, feeling a mix of judgment and self-reflection.
She could easily have been me.
I told myself I wouldn’t engage in what that girl did, and while it’s true that I wouldn’t have done exactly what she did—getting rough in a kitchen—I realize now that distancing myself from her was arbitrary. She could have been anyone, including me.
I should have supported her. I should have stood up for her.
In the end, we were all sharing moments in that hostel. Jake, myself, and seemingly everyone else were caught up in the thrill of youth, adventure, and a bit too much alcohol. Who was Jake to judge her?
I wish I had voiced all this to him, but fear of his judgment kept me silent.
Many of us, especially those from the millennial generation or older, have grappled with confusing messages about sex.
On one hand, we embrace it; it’s cool to “get laid” in a hookup culture. On the other, there’s a stigma attached to those who have multiple partners. We tend to look down on people who partake in unconventional practices. Women, in particular, often face backlash for being too conservative or too promiscuous.
Not long ago, my friends and I fretted over our “numbers.” Each new partner felt like it diminished our worth. Movies like “What’s Your Number” perpetuated the idea that women who slept with more than 20 men would struggle to find love, which is utterly misguided.
I acknowledge that sex isn’t always perfect. It can be messy, regrettable, or even risky. It can stem from power dynamics, desperation, or worse yet, coercion.
But at its core, when consensual and approached safely, sex can be a beautiful experience. We often overlook this truth.
That’s why I’m sharing my story. I had intimate relations with 16 men while traveling, and it was extraordinary.
Despite the fleeting nature of these encounters, they were rich and meaningful. We were free to explore pleasure without concern for the future because there was none. We celebrated our bodies and connected in ways that left lasting impressions.
So, who has the right to judge? Who can look down on that woman in the hostel? Sex is a gift, a chance to escape, a way to connect with oneself and others.
As Osho said, everything beautiful is intertwined with sex—nature’s wonders, vibrant life, all relate back to it.
So why is human sexuality often viewed as shameful?
Ultimately, society isn’t ashamed of sex because it’s inherently wrong; it’s perceived as wrong because we feel ashamed of it.
Let’s stop the shame. Let’s not worry about our numbers. Let’s honor sex for what it truly is. I had intimate relations with 16 men during my travels, and it was absolutely beautiful. What about you?
For more insights on navigating personal relationships, check out this post on home insemination. If you’re interested in artificial insemination, Make A Mom is a great resource. For further information on family-building options, take a look at Resolve.
Summary
In a world filled with judgment regarding sexual experiences, it’s important to embrace our choices and celebrate the beauty of consensual encounters. The author reflects on her year of travel and the connections made with 16 men, advocating for a more accepting view of sexuality and the importance of personal freedom.
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