artificial insemination kit for humans
I’m here; I’m queer, but I’m still adjusting to this reality. Just writing these words fills me with anxiety. My heart races, pounding in my chest. There’s a tightness around my chest that feels suffocating. I’m struggling to breathe, and my body feels flushed. A panic attack is looming. Inhale deeply, exhale slowly. Yet, my feelings don’t stem from shame about who I am—at least not entirely. I proudly identify as a gay woman, having embraced my sexuality last year amidst a pandemic, with lockdowns, curfews, and a near total shutdown of life as we knew it. The anxiety arises from the fact that I still live a closeted life, and carrying that secret weighs heavily on me.
To be clear, a few people know my truth. My spouse, sister, best friend, and sister-in-law are aware, as are my therapist and psychiatrist. Sharing my identity with them was crucial; it allowed me to confront my feelings instead of burying them. They’ve supported me during my darkest moments, reminding me of my worth when I felt broken and lost. But beyond this small circle, my identity remains concealed, and living in the shadows is isolating and cold.
I often experience breakdowns and panic attacks, feeling anxious and trapped in my own skin. Sometimes, I turn to alcohol—just one more glass of wine or an extra beer. Worry consumes me. I fear how my secret will impact my family and loved ones. Can I maintain the family I’ve built if I reveal I’m gay? Will I be rejected by my in-laws, “cousins,” and friends? I grapple with deeply ingrained beliefs from my Catholic upbringing, which taught me that love and marriage were my destined path. While those ideas are part of my identity, I’m uncertain how everything will shift when I finally “come out” to the world.
I am not alone in this struggle. Millions face similar challenges regarding their sexuality. According to a study by the Yale School of Public Health, approximately 83% of those identifying as lesbian, gay, or bisexual keep their orientation hidden from most people in their lives. An article in the Psychiatric Times notes that many LGBTQ individuals experience significant difficulty in accepting their sexual orientation, leading them to conceal vital aspects of their identity. The consequences of living in the closet can be severe, including chronic mental health issues like depression and dissociative identity disorder.
Closeted individuals often feel compelled to separate their attractions from their identities, resulting in a double life that can lead to self-loathing and substance abuse. Many face suicidal thoughts and engage in risky behaviors. I’ve been there—just a month ago, I contemplated ending my life.
But regardless of being closeted, you don’t have to accept shame or blame. There is hope and help available. From therapy to LGBTQ support groups, resources are out there to assist you. If you or someone you care about is struggling with their identity or having suicidal thoughts, visit GLAAD for resources or reach out to The Trevor Project or the LGBT National Helpline.
For more supportive content, check out our blog post on home insemination, which also addresses issues of identity and belonging. You might also find valuable information on fertility supplements at Make A Mom that can help your journey. For excellent resources on pregnancy and home insemination, visit the CDC.
Search Queries:
- How to come out as gay
- Support for LGBTQ+ individuals
- Understanding sexual orientation
- Mental health resources for LGBTQ+
- Coping strategies for anxiety
In summary, living as a closeted gay woman can be an overwhelming experience fraught with anxiety and fear of rejection. It’s essential to seek support and know that you’re not alone. Embracing your identity can lead to a more fulfilling life.
Leave a Reply