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I once embraced the role of a stay-at-home mom for over thirteen years, and it was everything I had hoped for. Pregnant and beaming, I left my last job, clutching colorful balloons, flowers, and a bag of delectable molasses donuts (my craving at the time). I truly believed I would never wish to return to the workforce.
However, as the years went by, my identity as a mother alone began to feel insufficient. Volunteering at school didn’t fulfill me, and although running was a great outlet, I yearned for more. I confided in my then-husband about my feelings. I was navigating a sea of responsibilities: managing the kids, social activities, cooking, cleaning, appointments, and caring for pets—all while he focused on his business.
I often found myself thinking that I should simply remain in my current situation. After all, I was fortunate to be able to stay home. Who would manage everything I did if I took a job? Now, I find myself a full-time remote employee, yet the guilt of transitioning from an ever-present mom to one with defined work hours and obligations still lingers.
Re-entering the workforce has been a challenge. At times, I’ve agreed to commitments that stretched me too thin, continuing to hold myself to the same standards I did while being a stay-at-home mom. I’ve tried to juggle it all, but I came to realize that I was struggling. This is rarely discussed, especially by those mothers who seem to handle everything effortlessly.
This lifestyle isn’t just tough on me; it affects my kids as well, especially when I find myself snapping at them due to stress. Recently, I came across an article in Elle featuring Audrey Mitchell, co-host of NPR’s esteemed program “All Things Considered,” who shared her experiences of motherhood. Her words resonated deeply with me.
Mitchell had her children later in life, after establishing her career, and faced skepticism about managing the demands of both work and family. She expressed, “I still wanted to pursue my career, even when I felt overwhelmed. It sparked an identity crisis; I wasn’t ready to let go of my ambitions. I didn’t want to feel resentment towards my child, but postpartum struggles made it difficult.”
While watching colleagues advance in their careers as she juggled motherhood, she realized the need to recalibrate her expectations and focus on what she could realistically contribute at work. “At the end of my workday, I crave quiet and a glass of wine, not networking with politicians online,” she admitted.
The pressure many of us feel to showcase our abilities as “Supermoms” can be overwhelming. This notion often leads mothers to overextend themselves to prove that motherhood won’t slow them down. But why do we feel compelled to do this?
Mitchell learned that this approach wasn’t sustainable. She shared, “I was so stressed that my hair started falling out. I realized I was trying to demonstrate that ‘I still got it.’ I want to caution others against this mindset.”
Many of us experience this struggle; in our quest to keep up, we can lose ourselves. She further emphasized that if you project an image of capability, others may not offer help. Instead, they will continue to expect more from you.
As mothers, we must prioritize what’s right for our families and ourselves, regardless of external perceptions. “No one is going to check if you need assistance. When you’re ambitious, the only thing that will limit you is yourself,” Mitchell advises. When we assume complete responsibility, others—including coworkers—will expect us to manage everything without assistance, leading to burnout and frustration.
This wisdom from Mitchell is invaluable for mothers navigating the challenges of balancing work and home life. We must rethink the drive to prove that motherhood doesn’t hinder our ambitions. The reality is that motherhood alters our priorities, and there is no need to feel guilty about that.
If you’re a mom struggling with the desire to maintain your career momentum, it’s perfectly acceptable to say no and focus on your well-being. Your mental health is paramount—after all, when a mom isn’t happy, it affects everyone around her.
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Summary
Audrey Mitchell’s insights on motherhood and work-life balance shed light on the often unspoken struggles that many working moms face. She emphasizes the importance of setting realistic expectations and prioritizing mental health. It’s essential for mothers to recognize that it’s okay to seek help and to adjust their ambitions in light of their changing roles.
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