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The signs had been creeping up on me for months. I’d wake up drenched in sweat, despite having a fan blasting next to my bed. One moment I’d be furiously cleaning, and the next, I’d find myself sobbing on the couch with a pint of ice cream. Some mornings, I’d growl at my family, only to end the day practically bouncing around the house. It was all so confusing.
It wasn’t until I started experiencing menstrual cycles 2-3 times a month that I began to connect the dots. That seemed a bit odd, right? I certainly thought so. I had heard about hot flashes and mood swings, but those were typically associated with menopause. Since I was still getting my period—often more than before—I figured I couldn’t possibly be in menopause. So what on earth was happening?
What was happening was perimenopause. Until recently, I had never even heard of the term. When I brought it up to my nurse practitioner during a recent checkup, she admitted she didn’t know much about it either. While she confirmed I wasn’t in menopause (which I already knew), she conducted hormone tests and an ultrasound, both of which came back normal. Yet, something still felt off.
Her advice? Speak to my mother. If I could figure out when she went through menopause, maybe I could estimate my own timeline. However, my mom couldn’t recall when her menopause began and had never even heard of perimenopause, highlighting how this topic has remained shrouded in mystery for generations.
As Dr. Lila Nachtigall, a professor of obstetrics and gynecology at N.Y.U. Grossman School of Medicine, noted, “You’re hearing what I’m hearing, ‘Nobody ever told me this, my mother never told me this,’ and I had the same experiences many years ago with my mother.” It’s no shock that we’re uninformed about perimenopause. Menopause itself is often cloaked in clichés and stigma. Dr. Susan Mattern, a history professor at the University of Georgia, points out that menopause was even referred to as “women’s hell” and “the death of sex” until the 19th century. What on earth does that even mean?!
Dr. Lucy Hutner, a reproductive psychiatrist in New York, emphasizes the need to change the narrative around this topic, as much of the discussion surrounding perimenopause is framed in an anti-feminist and ageist context.
Let’s get real. The average age for menopause—defined as a year without a period—is 51, while perimenopause typically begins around age 47. However, symptoms can start earlier or later. I’m 43 and can confidently say I’m feeling the effects pretty intensely.
Despite perimenopause lasting several years, many healthcare providers lack a clear understanding of it. According to reports, less than 7% of medical residents feel adequately prepared to guide women through menopause. That’s absurd and frankly, sexist. There are entire industries dedicated to erectile dysfunction, yet many doctors struggle to support women navigating menopause or perimenopause. This lack of understanding often leads women to feel as though something is wrong with them. One woman shared her frustration with the New York Times, stating her family physician dismissed her symptoms because she still occasionally gets her period, leading her to “give up trying to educate her.”
This situation is even more severe for Black women, who are reported to experience a higher risk of hot flashes yet are less likely to receive effective hormone replacement therapy. The combination of debilitating symptoms and a lack of medical guidance is infuriating. We need accurate information, research, and healthcare providers who can offer real support instead of dismissing our experiences as mere stress or claiming we’re “too young for menopause.” It’s crucial to know we’re not alone on this sweaty and chaotic journey.
Although perimenopause and the transition into menopause are natural processes, we don’t have to endure them in silence. Keep the conversation going with friends. You’re not losing your mind, and you definitely aren’t alone. If your doctor can’t provide the answers you need, it might be time to find a new healthcare provider.
For more insights into related topics, you can check out this other blog post or explore resources on home insemination from Make A Mom. For more comprehensive information on fertility treatments, UCSF offers excellent resources.
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In summary, many women are grappling with the unexpected challenges of perimenopause without adequate support or information. It’s essential to talk about these experiences openly, seek knowledge, and ensure that women feel empowered during this natural transition.
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