45+ Hilarious England Jokes That Will Make You Laugh Harder Than Shakespeare Could

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If your only knowledge of England comes from Mr. Bean and Queen Elizabeth, consider this your comedic crash course on all things British. Think being English means lacking a sense of humor? Think again! The Brits have gifted us with Monty Python, Shakespeare’s comedies, and a treasure trove of rain-themed jokes. (Not to mention the wonders of Doctor Who and The Office!) British humor is renowned for being witty, dry, and often satirical, drawing inspiration from a plethora of topics like the royal family, Brexit, and that ever-so-posh accent. Of course, there’s also the somewhat troubling legacy of England’s history.

So, pour yourself a cup of tea, turn up some Beatles tunes, and get ready for a collection of the funniest and cheesiest England jokes and puns. We have a delightful mix featuring London, Shakespeare, Manchester, and Brexit humor. It’s hands down the best compilation of British jokes you’ll find this side of the pond. Cheerio!

England Jokes and Puns

• How does every English joke begin? By checking over your shoulder.
• What do you call an Englishman in the World Cup knockout stages? A referee.
• What do you call London when the power’s out? Londoff.
• What’s the Loch Ness monster’s favorite meal? Fish and ships.
• My dad drives a bus that circles Big Ben. He works around the clock.
• Did you know Shakespeare had a pun-themed play? It was a real play on words.
• Remember when Britain was in the EU? I still recall it like it was yesterday.
• What did Shakespeare have for lunch? A Caesar salad.
• A woman fainted on The London Eye. She’s slowly coming round.
• I bought some “London Bridge Jeans.” They keep falling down!
• What’s Great Britain’s biggest export? Independence days.
• The past tense of William Shakespeare? Wouldiwas Shookspeared.
• What did America say to Britain when it tripped? U.K.?
• Why do Brits love tea? Because tea leaves!
• Why don’t Americans spell “color” like “colour”? It was their way of saying they don’t need u.
• Brits prefer brooms to vacuums for cleaning. But that might be a sweeping generalization.
• What do you call someone who’s sort of British? Brit-ish.
• How will Christmas dinner change post-Brexit? No Brussels!
• What did Britain tell its trading partners? See EU later!
• What do Great Britain and bad houseguests have in common? They take forever to leave!
• What do the Brits have for breakfast? Cheerios, ol’ chap!
• What do you name a restaurant that serves pancakes all day? All Day Brexit.
• Knock, knock! Who’s there? Doctor! Doctor who? A classic show, isn’t it?
• “What’s black and white and red all over? An English steak ruined by ketchup and mayonnaise.” — Marcel Lucont
• What do you call an Australian visiting England? Back to the scene of the crime.
• A woman in England gives birth every 30 seconds. She must be exhausted!
• What’s the longest word in English? ‘Smiles’—there’s a mile between its first and last letters.
• What do people wear in England? Tea-shirts!
• What do you call a Dollar Store in England? Pound Town.
• Why didn’t pirates navigate the River Thames? They had scurvy!
• The inventor of the Oxford Comma has passed away. Tributes were led by J.K. Rowling, his wife, and the Queen of England.
• An Englishman was left in a vegetative state after being struck by a car, bus, tractor, and trailer. It was an Oxford Coma.
• What did Shakespeare name his shower? McBath.
• To attract a partner, I like to quote Shakespeare’s Hamlet, Act III, Scene IV, line 82: “Hello.”
• What did Shakespeare’s dog say when taken to the vet? From the windows to the walls till the vet cuts off my balls.
• What’s the difference between Shakespeare and Eminem? Eminem didn’t have a ghostwriter.
• What do British women call their periods? A bloody mess.
• How many Brexiteers does it take to change a light bulb? One to promise a brighter future and the rest to mess it up.
• What’s the difference between Google Chrome and Manchester City? Chrome has history.
• What’s the difference between a triangle and Manchester United? A triangle has three points.
• The Beatles walked into an orange underwater vehicle. Oops, wrong sub!
• What did Ringo say before the Beatles split up? “Hey guys! Can we try one of my songs?”
• What would Sir Paul McCartney sing to an octopus? I wanna hold your hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand.
• Why is it called Brexit? They should have named it the Great British Break Off!
• What do Brexit and my dog have in common? They both beg to be let out but just sit at the door when they finally are.
• What would an English football fan do if England won the World Cup? Stop playing FIFA and hit the sack.
• Why is England the wettest country? Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there.

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In summary, this collection of England jokes offers a delightful blend of wit and humor, showcasing the cleverness of British comedy while touching on familiar cultural references and current events. Whether it’s Brexit, Shakespeare, or beloved British icons, these jokes are sure to bring a smile to anyone’s face.