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Last night, I found myself in what can only be described as a parenting disaster. I was completely lost in the unfamiliar waters of parental challenges.
My three-year-old, Lily, has been attending swimming lessons for nine weeks. However, at the start of last night’s class, confusion struck when she didn’t know where to go. Her instructor tried to calm her down with a reassuring pat on the head, but as the class moved towards the showers, I could see my daughter losing it.
She anxiously scanned the crowd of parents, her eyes found mine, and she sprinted over, collapsing into my arms, sobbing. Although this reaction was unusual for her, I understood the source of her distress. I had noticed her unease at the beginning of class; I thought she’d shake it off. I was wrong.
The tears and the tight grip she had on me signaled that I needed to pull out some solid negotiation tactics, but inside, I was panicking. This isn’t my child! Why is she acting like this?! I tried to keep a positive attitude, employing every trick I could think of:
- “Let’s take some deep breaths!”
- “How about we just walk around for a bit and return?”
- “Let’s dip your toes in the pool until you’re ready to jump in!”
But nothing worked. Her mood was plummeting. Now, in front of everyone, she wailed, “I want to go homeeeeeeee!”
My patience was wearing thin. I reminded myself that I, the parent, set the agenda. We were not leaving. I was determined to turn this around.
I changed my approach. Upbeat Mommy wasn’t cutting it, so I transitioned into Stern Mommy. Surely she would respond to my serious tone.
- “GET in the pool.”
- “You do this every week.”
- “Right now. Get in. Get in. Right now.”
By now, her tears had stopped, but she stood her ground, unwavering.
“No. I’m not getting in.”
Stern Mommy had exited the scene, and Desperate Mommy took over. I resorted to threats. To a three-year-old.
- “If you don’t swim now, we can’t go swimming at Nana’s.”
- “Good. I don’t want to swim at Nana’s.”
- “If you don’t get in, we won’t come back next week.”
- “Good. I don’t want to come back.”
- “If you don’t get in, we’re going home, and you won’t get to read any books.”
- “Good. I don’t want to read.”
With each threat, my desperation grew. I realized how wrong I was as the words left my mouth but felt trapped in my own frustration. I crouched down to her level, regretting my choice of long sleeves in the sweltering aquatic center. My emotional state only added to my discomfort, and beads of sweat trickled down my back as I pleaded with her.
After 30 minutes of this exhausting tug-of-war, I finally gave in. I took her hand (perhaps a bit too tightly) and led her to the parking lot, utterly mortified. We didn’t speak on the way home.
Lily isn’t usually like this. She’s brave, well-behaved, and sweet. If she’s not, she rarely shows her stubbornness in public. But if I’m honest, she can be shy. She takes time to adjust. When uncertain, she often licks her lips nervously and shifts her weight. Even if she puts on a brave face, in moments of discomfort or embarrassment, she can easily break down.
Instead of accepting my daughter’s feelings and recognizing it as a tough day, I nearly lost my cool. I felt embarrassed by her refusal to participate and frustrated with myself for allowing her to dictate the situation.
Ultimately, neither of us came out victorious.
Later, as she prepared for bed, still pouting a bit, I reassured her of my love. I left her room with the words, “Let’s forget about swimming lessons for tonight and start fresh tomorrow.”
Start fresh tomorrow. It was advice I needed to take myself.
In my brief journey of parenting, I’ve come to realize how inadequate moments like these can make me feel. They strike unexpectedly, often when I’m riding high on the feeling of “my kid would never…” Perhaps these moments serve to humble me. Maybe toddlers are simply unpredictable beings with limited reasoning. Regardless, I’ve learned that parenting is a rollercoaster of highs and lows. I have my “good mom” days and my bad ones. This was undoubtedly a bad one. I felt lost and unsure of my next step, even recognizing I wasn’t at my best in that moment. So, I allowed myself to sulk but was determined to take my own advice.
I’ll start fresh tomorrow, too.
If you’re interested in more stories from everyday parenting struggles, check out this blog post for related insights. And if you’re looking for authoritative information on home insemination, the folks at Make a Mom have some great resources. For additional information on IVF, check out News Medical, which is an excellent resource.
Summary
Parenting can be unpredictable, and even good moms face tough days. In a recent swimming lesson, a mix-up left my daughter in tears, leading to a frustrating standoff. Despite my attempts to encourage her, I found myself resorting to threats and feeling inadequate. I learned that it’s essential to embrace these moments and start fresh the next day.
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