The Journey of Raising a Young Man

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One of the first things I observed about adolescence is that it unfolds unpredictably, much like a leaky faucet—slow drips followed by sudden bursts. I could sense the changes approaching, but the transformation was gradual, punctuated by moments of rapid growth. There was a new voice, an insatiable appetite, and yet another pair of pants that didn’t fit. Then came the return to routine, marked by selective eating and familiar clothing—until everything escalated.

Before I knew it, two years of this rollercoaster ride had passed, and there he was, moving with a different gait. It felt as if he had transitioned overnight from boy to a new, in-between phase: a teen, a young man. He was still figuring out his place in this new body, standing a bit hunched, as if he hadn’t yet embraced his height. He seemed unsure of how to occupy this newfound space. But the physical changes were just the beginning.

I noticed a resilience emerging in his personality, accompanied by a harsher outlook on the world. There was more negativity directed at others, which I recognized as a struggle for differentiation. He would challenge my views on emotions, declaring, “feelings are dumb, Mom.” I would smile and take a deep breath. “This too shall pass.” I offered him no barriers, just my acceptance and patience. “Who you are today is a beautiful and fleeting young man, and I want to embrace all of it with kindness and understanding.” My guiding principle was to refrain from worrying, diagnosing, or fretting. He was a young man, and that was entirely natural.

He might turn away from my affection but would snuggle up close during our TV time. He’d burst into tears out of frustration, all while dismissing the legitimacy of his feelings. Caught in the clash of societal pressures that commodify human value and enforce rigid gender roles, he embodied contradictions: soft yet tough, sweet yet sour, playful yet serious, hungry yet not, compassionate yet unkind. He was a young man, navigating his complexity.

When he was younger, every day was an adventure filled with questions: What new word would he learn? How would he discover the world today? How would I stay calm during his tantrums? Now, it’s a different kind of adventure: What does he want to discuss today? How’s his appetite? What does he need from me? How is he feeling?

This phase of his life is precious to me. The spiritual practice of parenting a teenager involves patience, nonreactivity, love, and kindness. I need to hold up a mirror occasionally, realizing that this young man is swiftly flowing through this stage; it’s temporary and ever-changing. I mustn’t react too strongly to who he is today, for impermanence is part of his journey. I create a space where I can see him clearly and accept him wholeheartedly, only stepping in when absolutely necessary. He is still trying on his identity, figuring out what fits. He is vulnerable, sensitive, hungry, tired, scared, and angry—all at once. And that’s okay.

I’ve learned to ask specific, open-ended questions: “How was science class? Who did you sit with at lunch?” I’ve made it a point to put my computer down when he’s in the room, elbows and knees awkwardly hanging off the chair. We discuss politics, social issues, and religion—his favorite subjects. I challenge him occasionally, allowing him the freedom to express his ideas as he explores his new thoughts.

As he dives into personality quizzes online, I engage with his curiosities about potential careers. “Mom, what do you think would suit me better, this or that?” I respond thoughtfully: “I can envision you doing this; I can see you excelling at that.” I want him to remain open to possibilities, to flow and evolve rather than feel constrained to a single path.

I’ve learned to comfort him with warm meals during emotional moments, to hold his hand if he lets me, and to hug him closely while we watch TV. I’ve adjusted to this new boundary where kisses are less frequent—though I can still plant a gentle one on the top of his head. I practice acceptance of these changes.

I honor his needs, staying composed when I watch him on the soccer field. I resist the urge to react when he gets fouled and tumbles, grimacing in pain. He is both my little boy and a nearly 15-year-old young man at the same time.

I catch glimpses of him through the eyes of those who don’t know him as intimately. I sense their judgments about this awkward phase, his intense emotions, and his vocal opinions on societal issues. I momentarily feel anxious for him, but I return to my mother’s heart, reminding myself that this is okay. He is okay. It’s fine if they don’t see what I see. I am his mother, and my duty is to remain aware of all he is—this young man. Instead of judging or defending him, I find myself explaining who he is to those who misunderstand. “He’s exploring his ideas right now.” “He’s separating from me at this stage.” “He’s just really hungry.” “He’s adapting to his new body.”

Perhaps my spiritual practice will evolve to a point where I won’t feel the need to explain. I aspire to be fully present amidst the misunderstandings without reacting. I am a work in progress, driven by a deep instinct to protect my young man’s heart and soul from being misjudged or, even worse, overlooked.

In August, my young man will turn 15 and start high school. I am his mother, and that is my role. I love him unconditionally and cherish the opportunity to witness his journey here and now. I am the lighthouse of love that he can rely on during any storm, and it is my primary responsibility to provide that safe harbor for him and his brothers. This deep attachment is my most profound spiritual practice. His existence awakens me to the beauty of life, my dear young man.

For more insights on this journey, check out this related post on home insemination and explore resources like WebMD’s guide for pregnancy and home insemination. Additionally, consider the Cryobaby home intracervical insemination syringe kit combo for your family planning needs.

Summary

Raising a young man through adolescence is a complex and evolving journey marked by physical changes, emotional struggles, and the quest for identity. As parents, we must practice patience, understanding, and acceptance while providing a safe space for our children to explore their new selves. It’s essential to engage in open conversations, honor their needs, and remain a steady source of love and support.


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