My Son Is Raised by Two Moms: The Importance of Pride to Me

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Every June, the LGBTQ+ community takes center stage as we observe Pride month. This celebration honors the Stonewall uprising, a pivotal series of protests that unfolded over several nights in late June 1969 at the Stonewall Inn in New York City. Since the inaugural parade in 1970, individuals from the community and their allies gather in cities worldwide to reflect on our progress and recognize the journey ahead. While there are more in-person events this year compared to last, much of the celebration remains virtual. I’ve come to realize that Pride embodies a mindset rather than just a parade, though I still yearn for more public celebrations.

Pride has always been a complex issue for me. I feel an overwhelming desire to celebrate wholeheartedly, yet I’m acutely aware of the commercialization that has overshadowed its roots. I catch myself wanting to buy all the rainbow merchandise from stores like Target, but I also grapple with the urge to reclaim the essence of Pride. It’s a difficult balance. I indulge in purchasing LGBTQ+ items because I appreciate their increasing availability, even if it’s primarily a ploy for profit from already wealthy corporations. Just think about a closeted child running errands with their mom and discovering an entire Pride section in the store. Or imagine an adult feeling supported by their favorite retailer. While it may be seen as a commercial tactic, it significantly contributes to visibility.

Visibility has always been a cornerstone of Pride. The Stonewall uprising was a fight for acknowledgment as human beings. The celebrations that followed were a declaration that our humanity and dignity would never again be compromised. There’s immense power in witnessing millions of LGBTQ+ individuals flooding the streets to proclaim, “I exist, I matter, and nobody can take that away from me.” I recall watching Pride parade coverage over the years, feeling a mix of joy and longing. As someone who was only “out” to a select few for a long time, it felt isolating. Yet, seeing others living openly during a time when I felt unable to do so was encouraging.

Although I recognized my queerness around 12 or 13, I spent years concealing that part of myself. In the late 90s and early 2000s, I had never even heard the term bisexual. I knew of lesbians but couldn’t comprehend being feminine and attracted to women. When I finally hooked up with a girl at 17, the reactions from friends were less than supportive. For about a decade, I confided in only a handful of people. I watched my more openly queer friends share Pride photos and felt a pang of envy. I wanted to join them, but fear held me back from embracing my true self.

At 31, I came out as bisexual, a year after ending a long-term relationship with a man (my son’s father). Though I wasn’t ready to date again, I knew I couldn’t continue hiding who I was, especially since I intended to date women. Even after coming out, I didn’t attend my first Pride parade. I wanted to go alone, but as a single mom, arranging a babysitter proved challenging. I promised myself that I would attend Pride 2020 — but then the pandemic hit.

This year, I hoped for in-person Pride for one significant reason: my son. Last year, I fell in love and got engaged to an amazing woman, and I want him to experience families like ours in the real world. None of our local queer friends have children, so he has only seen two-mom families online. Attending a family-friendly Pride event would be a fantastic opportunity for him to meet others like us and perhaps forge new friendships.

My son is currently seven and at an age where he accepts our family structure as completely normal. However, I know that as he grows, he may encounter peers who question the validity of our family or suggest he should feel ashamed. The early years of elementary school can be difficult for queer parents since children are influenced by their peers’ opinions. I can instill confidence at home, but outside, my son will encounter different perspectives.

Attending a Pride parade would allow him to witness a diverse range of gender expressions and sexual orientations, reinforcing the lessons I’ve taught him. It’s one thing to read about LGBTQ+ experiences in books or see them on screen, but witnessing it live is an entirely different experience. I want him to recognize the vastness of the LGBTQ+ community. He understands what Pride represents and why we celebrate, but I want him to engage in it as fully as possible. While we can celebrate at home, experiencing it in person is invaluable.

As a queer parent and Black woman, I dedicate time to educating my son about the struggles faced by our communities. Recently, we explored a children’s book about the Stonewall Inn, which spurred a meaningful discussion about LGBTQ+ identity. I tell him about the queer elders who sacrificed so much for our rights to love freely. He understands that without the contributions of Black and brown individuals, particularly trans women, the movement wouldn’t exist. Yet, I also want him to see the joy our community experiences when we embrace our identities without reservation. That, too, is a vital aspect of Pride. I want our family to stand proudly among others, affirming our presence and resilience.

Pride extends beyond donning rainbow gear and parading in the streets. Despite the adversities faced by the LGBTQ+ community, we continue to advocate for our humanity and demand recognition as equals. This is the essence of Pride. I aim to honor the trailblazers who paved the way for my life today while simultaneously celebrating my identity and the love I share. I refuse to hide my true self to appease others. Yet, I know that I navigate this journey daily, Pride events or not. I guess I’ll just have to wait another year.

To explore more about the significance of home insemination and parenting in the LGBTQ+ community, check out our other blog posts here. For resources on artificial insemination, visit Make a Mom, an authority on this topic. Additionally, Medical News Today offers valuable insights into fertility and home insemination.

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Summary:

In this reflection, a queer mother shares her journey of raising a son with her partner, emphasizing the importance of Pride month. She discusses her own struggles with identity and the significance of visibility within the LGBTQ+ community. As she looks forward to attending Pride events with her son, she hopes to instill acceptance and joy in their family while honoring the legacy of those who fought for their rights.


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