The Issue with Saying ‘The Universe Won’t Give You More Than You Can Handle’

A few weeks ago, my twelve-year-old daughter collapsed. After a visit to the pediatrician, who performed some initial tests, we were reassured that everything appeared normal. We returned home and tried to regain a sense of normalcy. However, she fainted again, and this time I was there to catch her. We returned to the pediatrician, who conducted more extensive examinations, including a detailed blood panel and assessments of her motor skills and cognitive abilities. She then referred us to a pediatric cardiologist. My daughter went home to rest; I went home to cry.

I was terrified for my daughter, but I was also overwhelmed by memories of my husband undergoing similar tests years ago. I had witnessed him pass those evaluations only to later see his health decline as his cancer progressed. I had been there to catch him when he collapsed, too.

Once I gathered the strength to speak, I called a friend to share the news. I confessed that in that examination room, seeing my daughter subjected to the same tests my husband faced, I felt an urge to run away. For a moment, I doubted my ability to handle whatever news was coming next. I recognized that my daughter’s situation was not the same as my husband’s, yet I couldn’t shake the fear of the worst outcome. I told her I didn’t have the fortitude to endure those tests again—this time with my child at the center. I felt I would break.

My well-meaning friend assured me that everything would be okay, stating that the universe wouldn’t give me more than I could handle. While I understood her intentions, I found no comfort in her words. Instead, it felt like my fears and emotions were dismissed.

There are several issues with the saying that “the universe won’t give you more than you can handle.” It’s reminiscent of the phrase “everything happens for a reason,” which I strongly advise against using.

Dismissive and Invalidating

First and foremost, it is dismissive and invalidating. Such a statement implies that what someone is facing isn’t truly difficult, suggesting that the universe wouldn’t allow that. It tells the person seeking comfort that their worries are unfounded. In moments when someone desperately needs to be heard, that phrase tells them there’s nothing worth listening to.

The Universe is Not Always Fair

Additionally, this idea requires a belief that the universe is fair and benevolent. I’ve learned that this is not the case. The universe is often random and chaotic, and while it may not be outright cruel, it can be indifferent. Many individuals face challenges that exceed their capacity to cope—economically, physically, emotionally, and mentally.

The Privilege of Coping

Moreover, there is an inherent privilege in the belief that the universe won’t burden you beyond your ability to cope. Those who have successfully managed life’s challenges often have resources—financial, emotional, and social—that many lack. It’s easier to navigate difficulties when you’re not facing financial hardship, when you have family support, and when you have access to healthcare and other resources.

The Harsh Reality

The harsh reality is that sometimes we are indeed given more than we can handle. Ignoring this truth only serves to harm us. It prevents us from acknowledging our vulnerabilities and recognizing that it’s okay to struggle and even fail. The universe does not guarantee happy endings; it is an uncomfortable truth, but it is still truth.

Offering Genuine Comfort

If you want to offer genuine comfort to a friend, there are far better options than invoking the universe. Simply be present. Listen and validate their feelings. Acknowledge that sometimes life delivers more than we can manage. Let the person know they are not alone, regardless of whether they can handle what lies ahead. Reassure them that if they can’t cope, you will be there without judgment.

As for my daughter, we are still searching for answers regarding her fainting episodes, but so far, she seems to be recovering. It turns out I could manage this latest medical scare—not because the universe dictated it, but thanks to attentive doctors and supportive friends, along with a clear understanding of life’s unpredictability.

For more insights on parenting and navigating difficult situations, check out this blog post. If you’re interested in artificial insemination, this resource will provide valuable information. Additionally, the Genetics and IVF Institute is an excellent source for those interested in pregnancy and home insemination.

Summary

The phrase “the universe won’t give you more than you can handle” can be dismissive and invalidating, suggesting that struggles aren’t genuine. It overlooks the reality that many people face overwhelming challenges and that privilege plays a role in coping. Instead of offering platitudes, it’s crucial to listen and validate feelings. Genuine support matters more than empty reassurances.