A Heartfelt Message to My Younger Queer Self

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Dear Young Queer,

First and foremost, I want you to know how proud I am of you. You faced countless challenges before finally making it to your first Pride parade at 22. From the time you were in kindergarten, you sensed that you were “different,” but that difference was precisely what you needed to embrace the person you would eventually become. It would take almost two decades after you watched others proudly flaunting their rainbow flags and love before you found your own place within the community. The term “queer” wasn’t even in your vocabulary yet, and the concept of being nonbinary was unheard of in your circles.

You had to navigate through a world that often felt off-limits; “lesbian” felt like a stigma, yet it was the label that resonated with you the most. The shame you felt about your identity seemed justified, so you tried to settle into it.

When you finally came out and found a community that embraced you without demands for explanations, it was a revelation. Yet, even among these accepting souls, you felt like an outsider. The freedom to choose your style still felt undeserved, and your understanding of your gender and sexuality was still developing. Terms like “butch” and “dyke” fit how you loved but left you grappling with your identity—especially when you encountered young trans men at your first LGBT conference. You didn’t yet understand the journey you were on, and it was easy to lash out at those who seemed to have something you desired.

Forgive yourself for that anger; it’s a reflection of your own struggles. You were just beginning to learn about yourself and the wider queer community that would become your home.

Your understanding of queer identity will evolve through books, films, and the stories of those who came before you—the brave souls who paved the way for you to explore the facets of yourself that felt misaligned. You’ve always admired those who lived openly, aware of the dangers they faced during a time when being gay could mean arrest or worse. You will always be grateful to the trailblazers, activists, and queer elders who fought for the rights you enjoy today. You didn’t know how exhausted and scared they were, but you will come to understand.

Though it may seem daunting, one day you will approach Pride with a mix of hope and trepidation, feeling both excitement and disappointment in humanity. With time, you will learn that being out often exposes you to discrimination, and the fight for equality is ongoing. Your protective instincts will deepen when you become a parent, as you will realize your love extends beyond yourself. You will adopt children who were meant to be yours long before their conception, and you’ll be challenged to prove your bond as they cling to you around strangers.

When your child comes out as transgender, you’ll feel an overwhelming urge to protect her, even from within your community, as you’ll discover that transphobia can exist even in safe spaces. Your journey will also involve confronting your own struggles with sobriety, uncovering truths you buried in the haze of alcohol.

At 38, you will come out as nonbinary, feeling as if precious time has been lost, yet also grappling with the familiar adolescent embarrassment of asking others for acceptance once more. You will learn to navigate the complexities of gender dysphoria and euphoria, recognizing that how others address your pronouns often reflects their willingness to learn rather than your identity.

You will come to realize that while your pride may shift, it never truly disappears. You will transition from naivety to a more radical understanding of queerness. Everyone’s journey is unique, and you will teach yourself to embrace this truth, even when it challenges your beliefs.

You will become a leader and advocate, sometimes feeling misunderstood by your peers due to your outspoken nature. You will hold others accountable, and you will stop apologizing for your needs. This fight is not just for you; it’s for the young queers who come after you and for the children you are raising.

Every Pride will bring you a sense of relief, a moment where you can finally feel at home among your community. You will ultimately discover wholeness, but it will require shedding old labels and embracing new truths. Witnessing someone experience their first Pride will remind you of the joy of embracing one’s identity, allowing you to occasionally set aside your defenses.

You are incredibly resilient, and you will always cherish your queer life. Remember, Pride is a celebration of all facets of your identity; you fight not for the sake of battle but because you are deserving of all the love, glitter, and magic that come with it.

With love,
Your Future Self

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In summary, this letter serves as a reminder to embrace one’s journey through the complexities of queer identity, the importance of community, and the ongoing fight for acceptance and love.


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