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As a mother of boys, my life is filled with the joyful chaos that comes from raising little guys. Growing up in a family of girls, I always envisioned having daughters, but now, with my sister and I raising four boys between us, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Our homes are lively, filled with laughter and love, and while I sometimes find relief in not having to navigate the unique challenges that girls face, today reminded me of my duty to raise respectful and responsible men.
A friend, also a mother of boys, recently shared a post on social media seeking recommendations for a male babysitter. I thought how wonderful it would be for young boys to have a positive male role model—someone who could engage with them over games, sports, and humor. Most responses were supportive, with many sharing their own experiences with excellent male babysitters. Even my mother, an experienced high school teacher, offered to help find suitable candidates. However, my optimism was short-lived.
My friend forwarded a screenshot of a private message she received from an acquaintance in response to her request:
“Hey… We were advised by a very respectable family to avoid boy sitters. For some reason, boy sitters tend to be more inappropriate in their language and actions. They are also more likely to ‘harm’ boys in ways that the little ones don’t recognize as wrong, nor do they report it. Girls naturally have a more nurturing instinct and can navigate situations better than boys. Think about how different it is for your boys to stay with your husband versus you—you likely keep everything running smoothly. Not saying men can’t do it, but it’s just more natural for women. When I come home after the boys have been with my husband, I think, ‘at least everyone is alive.’”
I read and re-read this offensive message, struggling to comprehend how anyone—especially a mother—could harbor such outdated beliefs. While I wanted to confront this woman publicly, I chose to express my thoughts in writing instead.
It’s hard to pinpoint which part of her message is the most alarming. She suggested that boys are inherently unable to control themselves around children and are less capable of nurturing due to some divine design. My husband and brother-in-law, who actively participate in parenting and household responsibilities, would certainly disagree. Furthermore, her notion that only those who reflect her interpretation of Jesus should interact with children would, by her own logic, exclude Jesus himself from babysitting.
I pondered the damaging message this mindset sends to our boys. Should we accept that they’ll inevitably become irresponsible adults? Should we teach them that they don’t need to contribute equally to their future families because that’s simply how they were made? This “boys will be boys” mentality is not just dangerous—it stifles our boys’ potential to grow into emotionally intelligent men who embrace their nurturing sides, while also reinforcing outdated gender roles that confine women to domestic duties.
While we have made strides toward gender equality in the workplace, we must also advocate for men’s roles in the home. How often do schools reach out to mothers first, or how often do we celebrate fathers for performing basic childcare tasks? Simply keeping the children safe should not be the benchmark for fatherhood.
Though it may seem easier to raise boys, it is crucial to recognize that they deserve to be seen as complex individuals with high expectations. They should learn to be role models and caregivers, and it’s essential for them to witness men who respect women and understand the importance of consent.
As a mother of boys, I recognize the immense responsibility resting on my shoulders to guide the next generation of good men. I hope they find older boys who can show them the way toward becoming kind and compassionate adults.
Every aspect of that woman’s message makes me sad for our boys, but what truly saddens me is that she, too, is raising boys.
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In summary, the outdated and harmful beliefs expressed in a private message about male babysitters highlight the need for progress in how we view gender roles in parenting. As a mother of boys, I feel an immense responsibility to raise them as respectful, nurturing individuals who can break free from these stereotypes.
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