Kindness is Key, But Let’s Also Empower Our Kids to Stand Up for Themselves

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In 2015, I welcomed twin girls into the world, and they couldn’t be more different in their approaches to life. Both are sweet, caring, and self-aware, and they’re nearly six years old now. One of them mirrors my personality, while the other reflects my partner’s. Let’s call them Mia and Zoe. Mia is the strong-willed type who insists on her way, while Zoe is the peacemaker, eager to play with everyone and quick to help when someone gets hurt. She’ll be the one fetching a bandaid and accompanying a friend to the school nurse. I admire their unique qualities, and as their mom, I strive to equip them with the tools to be compassionate yet assertive individuals.

My partner, Alex, is a no-nonsense person—something I’ve gradually learned to emulate. I observe how Alex communicates her needs, articulating her feelings to anyone who needs to hear them. For me, finding the confidence to express boundaries has been a journey. I’ve discovered the significance of saying “no,” and I’m teaching our daughters that “no” can stand alone as a complete sentence.

Despite this lesson, their interpretations of “no” differ significantly. Zoe tends to phrase her refusals gently, saying, “That’s a good idea, but let’s consider something else.” In contrast, Mia opts for a straightforward “no” before walking away, leaving everyone to ponder alternatives. Both approaches are valid and reflect different styles of kindness. The world needs both types of individuals—those who set firm boundaries and those who create space for dialogue.

While there’s a plethora of parenting advice on nurturing kindness, it’s vital to recognize where each child falls on the kindness spectrum. Being kind doesn’t mean sacrificing your own needs. Delivery matters, and our actions hold significance. There’s room for the assertive “no-nonsense” individual and the gentle peacemaker.

Research from the American Psychological Association shows that children naturally want to be kind and empathetic from an early age. They often express concern for others’ feelings and want to help when they see someone upset. We must encourage our kids to support others while also establishing healthy boundaries. Teaching them that they can do both is essential.

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Summary

Teaching kids to be kind while also standing up for themselves is crucial. Each child can embody different aspects of kindness, whether through assertive communication or gentle negotiation. As parents, we must empower our children to navigate their interpersonal relationships while respecting their own boundaries.


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