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My partner tends to wake up when I sneak out of bed in the middle of the night to use the bathroom. In those moments, I sometimes attempt to stay half-asleep, as after 10 PM, I transform into a moody creature—grumpy and wanting to hibernate. My boyfriend cheerfully greets me, asking, “Hey love! How are you? Sleeping well?”
When we first started dating, I struggled to respond. All I could manage was a low murmur. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t match his perpetual cheerfulness. On some days, I believe I’m in a good mood, but when people engage with me, I quickly realize I’m not in the right headspace to socialize.
There are occasions when I plan to be around others, but I find myself unable to smile or engage in small talk. I feel as if my social energy has been drained, leaving me with little choice but to sit quietly, responding only when spoken to. I’m not trying to be rude; I just can’t muster the energy to interact. Unfortunately, my “resting face” has led many to think I’m unfriendly until they get to know me and realize that it’s just my moodiness.
This behavior has been part of me since my teenage years. Friends used to inquire if I was upset, showering me with questions about what was wrong. Partners and family have expressed that my moody phases create tension, leaving them unsure of how to react. This has been a source of frustration for me, and I’ve struggled with it for decades. I dislike the moments when I don’t want to talk to anyone and lack the energy to engage. I’ve learned that it’s best to inform my loved ones when I’m feeling off, allowing them to understand that it’s not about them.
I don’t consider myself unhappy; I’m just moody. To those who don’t experience mood swings, I may come across as selfish or unfriendly. However, many of my friends and sisters share similar experiences. They understand that when I say I’m not feeling great, it’s just a temporary state, and it’s not their fault.
As I approach 46, I’ve noticed my moods often fluctuate—sometimes due to lack of sleep or an excess of sugar. This is simply part of who I am. I require more downtime than most, and I thrive in quiet environments. Excess noise or stimulation raises my anxiety levels, making it difficult to concentrate and draining my energy further.
I’ve tried to push through my moods by attending gatherings or forcing myself out of the house, hoping to shift my energy, but it often backfires and intensifies my feelings. My sister, who also identifies as moody, and I often discuss our struggles. We aspire to be those sunny individuals who remain cheerful, even when times are tough, but that’s just not who we are.
It’s essential to distinguish between being moody and being unkind—especially for women. I can’t count the number of times I’ve attempted to appear happy to make others comfortable. When I hear people praise someone for being “so cheerful all the time,” it can trigger feelings of inadequacy in me.
There are countless individuals who feel pressured to smile and socialize despite not wanting to. I’ve learned that if I honor my feelings and allow myself to be quiet, the gloominess tends to dissipate more quickly. Even when life is going well, I may still experience down days, and that’s perfectly acceptable.
Life isn’t about constant happiness; it’s about experiencing the full range of emotions. There are many who don’t feel the same way every day, and our moods can shift unexpectedly. What matters is that you receive the authentic version of me.
Accepting my moody nature has been a challenging but necessary journey. It’s alright not to be cheerful all the time, and if you don’t want to smile, you don’t have to—regardless of what others may say. It’s completely normal to desire solitude or simply not engage. If you’d like, come over, and we can sit quietly together, indulging in a pan of brownies without the pressure to chat. I promise I won’t be offended.
For more insights, check out this blog post here, or visit Make A Mom for expert advice on home insemination. The CDC also provides excellent resources on pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary
Accepting my moody nature has been a journey filled with challenges. I often struggle with social interactions and experience fluctuations in my emotions. It’s essential to distinguish between moodiness and unkindness, especially for women, and recognize that it’s okay to not feel happy all the time. Honoring my feelings allows me to navigate my moods more effectively.
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