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In recent times, I’ve noticed a recurring piece of advice circulating on social media: one should never interrupt someone else’s narrative with a personal story. The notion is that if someone is sharing a tough experience or deep emotions, the listener should remain silent, offering only nonverbal cues like nodding or showing concern. The goal is to emphasize that the moment belongs solely to the speaker.
Every time I encounter this advice, I find it lacking in depth. Can we collectively agree that such blanket statements are often unhelpful? It’s disconcerting how eager people are to simplify things into a binary choice. According to this advice, you either listen quietly or share your own story, in which case you become a terrible friend—essentially relegating yourself to a ‘bad person’ status.
That said, it’s important to recognize that we don’t want to overshadow a friend’s experience. If someone is sharing a significant moment, we shouldn’t dominate the conversation or engage in the dreaded “one-up” game, which is undeniably annoying and self-centered. However, interjecting during conversations is not only acceptable; it’s a natural aspect of human interaction. Sharing relatable experiences is part of communication. People generally want to feel connected and understood in their experiences.
For instance, when I’ve confided in friends about my childhood trauma, and they respond by sharing their similar experiences, it doesn’t diminish my narrative; rather, it creates a sense of solidarity. Similarly, discussing parenting frustrations with other parents who relate to my challenges helps me feel supported and understood.
I recently read an essay on Medium where the author praised a conversation with his physical therapist for being engaging because the therapist asked insightful questions and showed genuine interest. However, that isn’t a conversation in the traditional sense; it’s a professional setting where the focus is on the patient. Expecting everyday conversations to mirror this dynamic is a bit self-centered.
The insistence on just “listening” can also inadvertently exclude people with diverse communication styles. Not everyone can sit quietly and listen; some individuals, including those with autism or ADHD, thrive on sharing similar stories to relate. In various cultures, interjecting is not only accepted but expected, as seen in my ex-husband’s Peruvian family, where overlapping dialogue was common and welcomed.
Personally, if someone doesn’t respond with a relatable story of their own, I often feel like they’re disinterested in what I’m sharing. It heightens my anxiety and makes me self-conscious. Conversations should be about mutual connection and understanding. If I wanted a monologue, I would simply book a session with a therapist.
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- How to have effective conversations
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In summary, while it’s essential to be considerate in conversations, interjecting with personal stories can foster connection and understanding. This practice reflects the natural back-and-forth of human communication and can often make individuals feel less isolated in their experiences.
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