I’m a Total Nag—And I Blame My Teenage Son

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As a mom of a teenage son, I find myself constantly nagging him, but honestly, it’s not entirely my fault. It’s just the nature of the beast! My son is in his late teens, and let’s face it, he’s the one driving me to distraction. Allow me to explain—there’s a certain science behind this.

He’s got a developing frontal lobe and those ever-changing hormones that make him need me while simultaneously pushing me away. He leans on me for support but then turns around and blames me for everything. I know he hears me, but he often pretends not to.

Let me clarify—I’m his biggest supporter. But he’s also the reason I find myself reaching for that extra glass of wine. I’d go to great lengths for him, but his behavior drives me to the brink, and the feeling is mutual.

Four Harsh Truths About Teenage Boys

Parents in my situation understand there are four harsh truths about teenage boys:

1. They think they know it all (just ask them).
2. They believe they should have total freedom to do whatever they please, whenever they want, without any questions.
3. They operate under the impression that the world exists solely for their immediate gratification.
4. When things go awry, it’s never their fault.

And guess who they expect to cater to these lofty expectations? That’s right—their moms. From day one, we’ve been the ones consistently there for them. We’ve nurtured them—feeding, clothing, and comforting them. It’s an instinct we can’t shake; caring for my son was not just something I did, it was something I relished. His needs felt more urgent than those of my independent daughters. He just needed me more… and let’s be honest, he still does.

Now, instead of those little arms wrapping around my leg for comfort, his signals have become more complicated and intense. Those once tiny arms are now grown and often crossed defensively over his chest, especially when he’s anxious, hurt, scared, or, let’s be real, just plain hungry (which seems to be 24/7).

Let’s face it: teenage boys know we moms are always ready to (try to) provide solutions, fulfill their needs, or soothe their pain. It’s our role, and they rely on us for it.

But here’s the kicker—our baby boys are teenagers now and will soon leave the cozy nest we’ve meticulously built for them. We won’t be available to cater to their whims 24/7 much longer. This reality is daunting for both sides! We know they’ll have to navigate life independently, which is precisely why we become relentless nags. As our sons enter their late teens, we realize the time to shape them into responsible adults is running out, and suddenly, nagging becomes our new normal.

Why Do We Nag?

Why do we resort to nagging? Because we’re acutely aware that our time to guide them is limited. We’re hyper-focused on their actions while their teenage brains are wired to ignore us. What once seemed like typical teenage behavior transforms into glaring red flags for us. Suddenly, it’s imperative that an empty glass doesn’t linger on the counter and that wet towels are hung up immediately. Our boys, however, are perplexed by our sudden demands for them to spring into action rather than rely on us to remind them—or worse, do it for them. They might say they’ll “do it later” or that “we never asked” in the first place. Combine this with their unruly hormones and our own hormonal changes, and you’ve got a recipe for chaos. (Right, partners? You’ve got a front-row seat to this daily circus!)

But we keep reminding ourselves that this phase, too, shall pass—just like their obsession with action figures in their younger years. During these trying teenage years, we need to support each other and remember we’ve done a decent job. Our sons will hopefully learn to manage without us doing everything for them. It’s essential for us overly caring moms to realize that while our teenage boys may not show it, deep down, they do love us and appreciate all that we do. Behind every nagging mom is a heart filled with unconditional love. And one day, when they grow into responsible adults, they may even thank us—not for the nagging—but for helping them to become their best selves and for sticking by them through every stubborn step of the way.

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Summary

Being a parent to a teenage son can turn any mom into a nag, and it’s often because we feel the weight of responsibility as our sons grow up. With their developing brains and hormones, they may appear to be independent but still rely heavily on their mothers. As the clock ticks down to their eventual independence, the urge to nag becomes more pronounced as we worry about their transition into adulthood. Nevertheless, it’s crucial to remember that our love is at the heart of our nagging, and one day, they may recognize and appreciate our efforts.