Why I Think It’s Important to Interject During Conversations

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I often come across a common piece of advice circulating on social media: that interrupting someone’s story with your own is incredibly rude. If a friend is sharing a tough experience or their deep feelings, the expectation is to remain silent and offer only nonverbal cues like nodding and furrowing your brows to show concern. The message seems to be that the conversation should focus solely on them, with no room for your input.

Every time I read this advice, I feel frustrated by its oversimplification. Can we agree that blanket statements like this should be discarded? It’s disheartening to see people eager to reduce everything to a binary choice. With this line of thinking, you either listen quietly, or you risk being labeled as a terrible friend for sharing your own experiences.

Of course, we don’t want to overshadow our friends. If someone is confiding in us, it’s important not to dominate the conversation or become a “one-upper.” This type of selfish behavior should be avoided. However, interjecting during conversations is not only acceptable; it’s a natural part of human interaction. Sharing similar experiences fosters connection and helps people feel less isolated in their struggles.

For instance, when I’ve opened up about my past experiences of abuse to friends and they’ve shared their own similar stories, it didn’t detract from my narrative. Instead, it made me feel understood and less alone. Discussing parenting challenges with other parents often leads to mutual sharing, which reassures me that I’m not alone in my frustrations.

I once read an essay on Medium that praised conversations with a physical therapist because they asked questions and showed interest. However, that’s not a conversation; it’s a therapeutic setting where the focus is on you. Expecting personal conversations to mimic the dynamics of a doctor’s appointment comes across as rather self-centered.

Moreover, the directive to “just listen” can be unintentionally exclusionary and even ableist. Not everyone is neurotypical, and some individuals, especially those with autism or ADHD, may struggle with the impulse to share relatable experiences. For some, sharing is a learned skill in reciprocal conversations.

Culturally, the expectation of silence can vary widely. In my ex-husband’s family from Peru, interjecting and even talking over each other is common and accepted. Silence can be perceived as disinterest in many cultures, while in others, interjecting may be seen as inconsiderate. This is not a one-size-fits-all situation; each conversation is unique.

Personally, if someone doesn’t interject with their relatable stories, I might feel they’re bored or think I’m odd. I get anxious. Please, share your story so I don’t feel alone in my experiences. After all, the essence of conversation is about connecting with one another. If I wanted a monologue, I’d just book a session with my therapist.

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