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It’s been over a decade since I parted ways with my lifelong best friend. What once was a unique and amusing dynamic slowly turned challenging as our paths diverged. I found myself married with two children, a fulfilling career in journalism, and a demanding small business, while she remained single, often moody, and self-centered in ways that are common among those without children. Though it was a difficult split, it was crucial for my well-being.
Since then, my focus has been on my family, work, and the typical ups and downs of life. For the most part, I managed without a close friend. I had many situational friendships with fellow parents from my kids’ activities or colleagues in my industry. But as my daughter moved on from sports and I closed my business, I’ve started to realize the absence of meaningful connections.
When I do get the chance to meet other women, I tend to be overly enthusiastic, sharing way too much and commanding the conversation like a mix of a stand-up comedian and a spotlight seeker. I can feel the imbalance in the room as I dominate the dialogue, swinging between self-acceptance and frustration over my behavior.
What I truly crave is a friend who is equally amusing, clever, and perhaps a bit judgmental – all traits I would use to describe myself. I’ve mentally crafted an ad for my ideal friend that outlines what I’m looking for:
Almost-50 Woman Seeks Like-Minded Individual for Lifelong Friendship
Must be witty, enthusiastic, and savvy enough to appreciate humor. Political views: Generally liberal. Religion: No thanks. Must be able to provide clever retorts to rants (and expect the same in return). Knowing when to offer advice versus just lend an ear is essential. A shared love of coffee, documentaries, and educational podcasts is a plus, along with at least basic knowledge of French or Spanish. Open discussions about perimenopause symptoms are a must. Must enjoy adventures, albeit nothing too strenuous or embarrassing. Living nearby and being available for spontaneous visits is preferred. A commitment to feminism and a keen eye for grammar is essential. Emotional conservatism is fine, but please don’t take offense if communication is sporadic. An application essay on “Below Deck: Mediterranean as a reflection of capitalism” is required, along with a small fee.
As I review this mental ad, I wonder if I’m seeking someone exactly like me. Wouldn’t my life be richer with someone who offers a different perspective? Yes, but at nearly 50, I know my strengths and weaknesses. Perhaps my new best friend and I could broaden our horizons together.
You might be curious about my husband, who many women consider their best friend. For me, that’s a definite no. He’s fantastic in many ways but doesn’t fit the specific criteria I’ve laid out. He doesn’t enjoy coffee or reading, and his ideal weekend involves hunting rather than wine tasting. Thus, the need for my friendship ad.
I recognize that my requirements may seem self-indulgent, but I’ve outgrown friendships with those whose views clash with mine. I’m eager to support someone else’s desires, too. However, making new friends in midlife is notoriously tough. Are those of us nearing 50 too set in our ways to welcome new connections? Perhaps. That’s why I’ve noted that communication may be hit or miss.
I don’t have all the answers, but I’m open to discovering them, ideally with a new best friend by my side. Applications are now being accepted (for a small fee).
For more insights on this topic, check out this blog post here. You can also learn about resources for pregnancy and home insemination here, and if you’re interested in getting started, visit this page.
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In summary, seeking friendships in midlife can be a daunting task, especially after losing a significant connection. It requires a mix of openness, self-awareness, and a clear understanding of what one desires in a friend. The journey can be challenging but also rewarding when shared with the right companion.
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