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I’ve been sporting a messy bun for as long as I can remember. I love how it looks, but more importantly, there’s nothing quite like coming home, shedding my bra, and tying my hair up.
A few months into my new relationship, I discovered that my boyfriend wasn’t fond of the messy bun style. He didn’t state it outright; rather, it came up during a TV show when I remarked that I thought the main character looked better with her hair up and no makeup. While he agreed about the makeup, he casually mentioned that he wasn’t a fan of buns. That comment didn’t faze me at all — he sees me in my bun all the time! I didn’t even think to ask him if he liked it on me because, as much as I care for him, I honestly don’t care. I love my bun, and that’s all that matters.
I also get Botox and fillers — something I began after we started dating, and it brings me immense joy. He’s said things like, “Why do you do that? You’re already so beautiful,” which is sweet, but let’s be real: he really needs glasses! He squints at his phone, and often forgets his readers in the car, leaving me to read menus for him.
The point is, my body and my face are mine to manage. If I want to make changes, I will, irrespective of his opinions. He knows this, and he doesn’t comment when I wear my messy bun or when he notices the bruises from my cosmetic procedures that help me feel like a better version of myself.
I’ve heard stories from friends about their partners arguing over their looks or outfits. From husbands refusing to speak to their wives after they’ve gotten lip fillers, to women undergoing major surgeries to please their partners, the narratives are troubling. My sister once dated a guy who wanted her to dress a certain way and grow out her armpit hair, something she didn’t want to do but did anyway for him.
I have a high school friend in New York City who says some men even schedule cosmetic procedures for their wives after childbirth. No way.
Being in a relationship doesn’t strip you of your autonomy. I’ve never understood women who keep long hair just because their partners prefer it that way. I recall my father telling my mother to keep her hair long during their marriage, but once they divorced, she cut it short. He even tried to dictate my hairstyle in junior high. That sparked a fire in me, fueling my desire to do whatever I wanted with my body as soon as I could.
Individuals should express themselves freely. We should wear what we want, dye our hair any color we choose, and toss the razors if we feel like it. If your partner tries to control what you eat, how often you exercise, or even schedules cosmetic procedures for you, it’s time to reconsider that relationship. The issue lies with them, not you.
We understand what feels right for us. If you want to make changes for yourself, such as trying a new workout routine or undergoing a procedure, that’s fantastic — but do it for you, not to satisfy someone else’s standards.
I don’t dictate what my boyfriend wears. He’s not into exercise as much as I am, and he has a belly he’s self-conscious about that I find utterly charming. He dislikes beards or scruff, both of which I find attractive, but I have no intention of changing him.
If you find yourself with someone who wants to control your appearance or monitor your wardrobe, it’s time to walk away. Being with a person like that is exhausting; you feel like you’re walking on eggshells. Plus, you’re not being true to your style. There are people out there who will love you for who you are, and it’s essential for you to be okay with yourself.
Wear what you want, eat what you want, and groom however you choose. Just remember to stay true to yourself instead of conforming to someone else’s unreasonable expectations. No matter how hard you try, individuals like that will never be satisfied, and you’ll be better off without them.
For more insights into the journey of home insemination, check out this article from our blog. Also, if you’re looking for resources on pregnancy, visit WomensHealth.gov for excellent information.
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Summary:
This article emphasizes the importance of individual autonomy in relationships, particularly concerning personal choices about one’s body and appearance. It explores the author’s experiences with her messy bun hairstyle and cosmetic procedures, asserting that the opinions of partners should not dictate how someone chooses to present themselves. The piece advocates for self-acceptance and encourages readers to prioritize their own preferences over controlling relationships.
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