I Was Stifling My Kids’ Personalities With My Cleanliness Obsession

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I often feel like my home is divided into two distinct areas. Certain rooms reflect my obsession with cleanliness, where everything needs to be perfectly arranged—this includes the living room, the downstairs bathroom, the kitchen, and my bedroom. Then there are the rest of the house, specifically the areas belonging to my children.

A realization hit me a few years back: my need for order was suppressing their individuality. In my quest for cleanliness, I found myself overwhelmed and exhausted. My children don’t prioritize tidiness the way I do, and the more I enforced my standards, the more conflict arose between us. It became clear that my obsession with a spotless home was far less important than their happiness.

Currently, my son is embarking on a massive project in his room, where he’s nurturing countless trees. He collects strawberry tops, avocado seeds, and digs up acorns from our yard. This has led to an abundance of pots and bags of soil cluttering our garage, along with random items drying out on the windowsill.

Meanwhile, my daughter has taken on the responsibility of two pet ducks. And let me tell you, ducks are messier than I ever anticipated! Their droppings are significant, and they seem to have a penchant for making a mess on our porch, especially on the rug. Water is a constant presence, with a kiddie pool set up either in the yard or on the deck, and they can easily splash water over a ten-foot radius.

My oldest child enjoys tinkering with his truck and four-wheeler, leaving tools, dirty rags, and car parts strewn about the garage where a car should be parked. As a neat freak, witnessing this chaos drives me crazy. It’s difficult for me to concentrate in a disorganized space; it makes me anxious and uncomfortable.

However, none of my children share my cleanliness obsession. They are completely unfazed by the messiness of their lives—whether it’s dirty clothes or half-finished slime projects. My daughter prefers her makeup sprawled across her vanity rather than neatly organized, and they all leave their bathroom necessities out in the open.

I had to intervene when my daughter decided to tape her hair clippings to the back of her door—it seemed like a challenge to see how far she could push my boundaries! Yet, I know I must learn to overlook certain things to allow them to express themselves freely, cultivate their autonomy, and feel at ease in their own spaces.

The other day, I pulled up to the house and saw my son transplanting trees from his room to our backyard. Watching him water cardboard he was saving and break it into pieces for his garden made all my anxiety worthwhile. His room may be a mess with potting soil on the carpet, but the sunlight in there helps him grow some incredible plants.

Those ducks have been a source of immense joy for my daughter. They’ve helped her navigate the anxieties of the past few years, and she’s become quite knowledgeable about their care. She doesn’t need reminding to clean their area; she takes the responsibility seriously, which has boosted her confidence and problem-solving skills—like figuring out how to stop them from leaving droppings on the porch!

Although I wish my son would tidy up his tools and rags, I appreciate his mechanical skills. When our lawn mower or snow blower malfunctions, he usually knows how to fix it.

Yet, I understand there will come a time when I won’t have to deal with their messy rooms anymore. I won’t arrive home to find my son working on his vehicles or my youngest planting unknown seeds in the backyard. My daughter’s makeup won’t be all over the bathroom, and I’ll finally have the chance to redecorate their spaces to my liking.

The thought of that future makes me feel more uneasy than the mess itself because it signifies they will be moving on, leaving me feeling incomplete. So, I will bite my tongue and let the anxiety wash over me when I see dirt trails or duck food scattered about.

I want my children to discover their passions in life, and I know that means I need to relax my standards for a tidy home. Their interests and joys far outweigh the importance of having clean surfaces and organized spaces. For more insights on parenting and self-expression, check out this blog post.

In summary, learning to let go of my obsession with cleanliness has been a journey. I recognize that my children flourish when they have the freedom to express themselves, even in the midst of chaos. Their hobbies and passions are far more valuable than a perfectly organized home, and I’m committed to fostering their growth.

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