From The Confessional: Fireworks Were Fun, Until Kids Came Along

Oh, joy! The 4th of July is here! I can hardly wait for my tipsy neighbors to fumble with their fireworks and inevitably end up calling 911 after an unfortunate mishap. Or for my two-year-old to be awake at all hours during the town’s nightly pyrotechnic display, leaving me to deal with a cranky, overtired child for the rest of the week. And let’s not forget the kids begging us to take them to a fireworks show that involves crawling through a sea of bumper-to-bumper traffic, with a single disgusting porta-potty half a mile away, ending with us all drenched in sweat and covered in mosquito bites. Can. not. wait.

If you’re feeling a bit fed up with fireworks and the country’s obsession with blasting things sky-high for “freedom,” you’re not alone. Many moms are completely done with the late-night explosions that keep their children awake, terrify their pets, and exemplify the idea of “burning money.”

Seriously, why do people insist on setting off fireworks here? It’s always foggy on the 4th, so you can’t see a thing. Just a loud waste of money. What a bunch of fools. Confessional #24886186.

Fireworks are legal in my state, which makes me nervous—not because of the kids, but because I can easily picture my husband doing something reckless and injuring himself. Confessional #25818148.

Why do people whip out their phones to film the fireworks instead of actually watching them? It’s the same crew that films dark rides at amusement parks, ruining the experience for everyone else. Did I say fools?! Confessional #25737811.

Honestly, fireworks can go away. I can’t stand them. Confessional #25812788.

They’re pointless, bring out the worst in people, and serve no real purpose. You can love your country without setting your lawn on fire, Carl.

I can’t pretend to feel patriotic this year. I don’t even like fireworks, but my kids adore them. So, my husband took them out for the typical festivities while I enjoyed a well-deserved meal and a book at a local taco bar. Alone. Best. 4th. Ever. Confessional #24884431.

Am I a horrible person for skipping this year’s fireworks? I hate the heat, the bug bites, and my husband becomes impossible during the traffic chaos! Yet, my kids are begging me to join them. Nope! #BitchofJuly. Confessional #15143833.

Nothing can make me feel patriotic about living in this country. All I think of when I hear fireworks is bombs and war. Twenty years of pointless conflict. Confessional #15146844.

Some of us are just done. Call me the #bitchofjuly; I don’t care. If it weren’t for the kids, I wouldn’t be buying any fireworks or celebrating at all. Confessional #25787682.

I can’t stand fireworks. I detest everything about them. I can’t wait until my kids are grown, and I won’t have to take them every year. Confessional #24880696.

I couldn’t care less about the 4th. I don’t want to take my kids to the carnival or shoot off fireworks. I’ll just have to fake a smile for them. Confessional #24856571.

And then there are those moms who do it for the kids—because of mom guilt—but they’re not happy about it.

I hope it rains tomorrow so that no one lights off fireworks. My baby keeps getting woken up, and I’m getting furious! PLEASE LET IT RAIN TOMORROW!! Confessional #25787604.

Fireworks, I used to love you. Now, with kids, it’s a different story. Confessional #25763477.

Twelve minutes until my son is in bed, and the baby just fell asleep after being woken up five times. I’m exhausted with chores piling up. Just need a break. Confessional #24887461.

One of the biggest reasons moms despise fireworks is that they keep their little ones up all night. Anything that does that, especially dangerous explosives, makes us feel fiery rage towards you.

My 6-year-old is terrified of loud noises but still wants to see fireworks. I hope they get rained out to avoid a meltdown. Sorry, community, I’m selfish. Confessional #24880417.

I took my 4-year-old to the fireworks, and the loud booms made him cry uncontrollably. I didn’t know fear could lead to an accident like that. #disaster. Confessional #15147487.

Fireworks trigger my anxiety, which is why I moved to a city where they’re illegal. Sadly, my neighbors don’t care, and the police are useless. Confessional #7131697.

I detest the 4th of July. It’s just an excuse for people to drink too much and blast fireworks at midnight. The noise sounds like a monster banging on my door. I have to endure this for a week. FML. Confessional #24793839.

The kids are scared. We’re scared. What’s the point? Apparently, in my new city, they celebrate Christmas by shooting fireworks at midnight. Go to bed, people! Now I have to calm my terrified dog. I hope they all get the worst stomach bug imaginable. Confessional #25762601.

I’m so over the fireworks that have been going off for five nights straight. My dog won’t stop barking, and I hope tonight is the last of it! Confessional #15145204.

To those in my neighborhood (where fireworks are illegal) who have been lighting them off all week: thanks for waking my toddler, scaring my dog, and triggering my dad’s PTSD. I hope you get slightly injured. Confessional #15144522.

The worst thing that could happen was legalizing fireworks where I live. The neighbors keep setting them off at all hours. My dog broke the storm door trying to escape, and my baby is awake all night. The cops won’t do anything. Confessional #25838472.

And amidst all the chaos, our dogs are panicking and about to have heart attacks. Please, for the love of God, stop! My drunken neighbor spent the weekend launching fireworks at 2 a.m. Hey, you loudmouth, some of us have jobs and need sleep. Confessional #24969912.

My neighbors are lighting off fireworks again, and it’s almost midnight. Some of us have to work on Sunday, so can they please stop? I hate people. Confessional #24936423.

I tried not to be the neighborhood grump this year, but seriously, it’s past 11 pm—enough with the fireworks already! Confessional #24887960.

Honestly, we’re just really tired and want some rest. Not mere hours of sleep interrupted by the sound of explosions like the world is ending. We need true, peaceful rest to function as parents or employees. So, please, tone down the apocalyptic noise and let us celebrate the 4th the way we want—with sleep, and without our kids having meltdowns in the middle of a bug-infested field. Happy 4th of July, everyone! Now, shhhhh.

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