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As a parent of two strong-willed kids—a teenager and a soon-to-be teen—I find myself navigating a world of loud opinions and passionate beliefs. They express their preferences boldly, often in ways I don’t always agree with. Our discussions range from significant topics like spirituality and feminism to more everyday issues like curfews and chores. When I set rules, they challenge me, advocating for their viewpoints, whether it’s a later curfew, a messier room, or a different homework schedule.
These interactions can leave me feeling drained. Sometimes, I catch myself wishing they would simply say “yes, Mom” instead of presenting their arguments. But deep down, I know that isn’t what I truly want. I want my children to express themselves freely, to learn how to advocate for their needs and to feel empowered to question authority when they believe something is unjust.
Conflict resolution is a skill that requires practice and courage. I came across a thought-provoking post from a therapist named Mia Thompson, which highlighted the pitfalls of prioritizing obedience in children.
At 43, I’m still learning how to navigate difficult conversations and stand up for myself. Growing up in the ’80s, the prevailing expectation was that kids should obey without question. It took me years to recognize my own voice and to feel comfortable advocating for myself. While I was bold in my younger years, I often shied away from conflict outside my home.
For example, I really dislike being called “Chris.” Yet, I rarely correct people when they make that mistake, opting instead for discomfort over confrontation. This pattern has lingered, and I want my kids to have the tools to handle such situations much earlier in life.
I strive to teach them the importance of questioning authority respectfully and understanding the reasons behind rules so they can make informed decisions. I envision raising children who are not afraid to challenge the status quo, who confront conflicts with humility and respect, and who feel safe confiding in me about their missteps.
So, when they push back on curfews or question school policies, I remind myself that this is the growth I desire for them, even if it sometimes tests my patience. I’m focused on nurturing confident, independent thinkers who can effectively navigate and resolve conflict.
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In summary, my goal as a parent is not to raise obedient children but to cultivate independent, confident thinkers capable of facing challenges and engaging in meaningful discussions.
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